Over 60 and “Acting Your Age?” STOP IT!!
“Too many people believe that at age 64 you are a productive, contributing member of society. And then, at 65, you’re supposed to retire, go on Social Security and Medicare, and overnight you become irrelevant and become dependent. What we really need to say is that at 65 keep it moving. I like to say it’s not aging in place. It’s thriving in motion.”
That’s a quote from Dr. Charlotte Yeh, Chief Medical Officer of AARP Services, Inc. extracted from Dr. Ken Dychtwald’s new book “What Retirees Want: A Holistic View of Life’s Third Age.” Dr. Yeh is making an appeal for us to “reframe aging, in both our language and our imagery.”
“Thriving in motion” has a nice ring to it, don’t ya think? But it doesn’t fit the ageist stereotype that our culture continues to harbor – inactive, cranky, frail, frumpy, childish, helpless, senile, over-the-hill.
As I’ve written about before, ageism is the last “ism” that hasn’t gotten significant attention. Research suggests that it is more prevalent than sexism and racism, although you won’t get far with that argument in our current culture.
Maybe we won’t make the progress we need against ageism unless we reframe aging. Dychtwald and his co-author and fellow researcher, Robert Morrison think so and devote an entire chapter in this outstanding book to that idea.
I’m taking it personally.
You can call me Gary, you can call me Papa or Grandpa, you can even call me “an ancient insufferable p****k” (which a few folks have), or even “older adult.” But DON’T CALL ME A SENIOR OR ELDERLY.
However, you CAN call me an elder. Or, better yet, a “modern elder”, the new term coined by author/entrepreneur Chip Conley which, IMHO, is the best reframing term going. In his best-selling book “Wisdom at Work: The Making of a Modern Elder,” Conley describes a modern elder as “someone who marries wisdom and experience with curiosity, a beginner’s mind, and a willingness to learn from those younger.”
I’ve written more about Conley’s modern elder concept at these links:
Don’t Let Yourself Become a Senior Citizen. There’s a Better Alternative.
Be Part of the “Modern Elder” Movement
Kinda sounds like you don’t dare “act your age” if you intend to be a “modern elder.” That would be a good thing because it’s no longer about a number. We should have legislated the number 65 out of existence long ago for all the counterproductive decisions it’s spawned.
Most retirees today don’t want to be characterized by their age, certainly not by a number.
Karyne Jones, CEO of the National Caucus and Center on Black Aging, says: “I own my age. I have never gone for this ’70 is the new ’50 stuff because it says that you shouldn’t be proud of where you are in your lifespan.”
I’m 78 and don’t want to be the new 58. I wanna be the new 78.
Did you know –
-that the experience of “fun” dips in mid-life and then rises to a peak in the retirement years? Share that with the next irreverent, arrogant, whipper-snapper millennial that dishonors your modern elder status.
Here’s what “fun” looks like at various life stages, according to an AgeWave/Merrill Lynch study entitled “Leisure in Retirement: Beyond the Bucket List”
Age Happiness/Fun Level (on 1-10 scale)
25 6.4
35 6.0
45 6.0
55 6.4
65 7.3
75 7.1
That same study revealed that most retirees are turning out to be living their best years with contentment and relaxation both in the 70+ percentile and anxiety in the under-20 percentile while 25-35-year-olds are in the 30-50 percentile in all three categories.
And all along you were thinking “getting old is a bitch” or “aging isn’t for sissies.”
Wrong self-talk! Ageist language!
So, there you have it. We “modern elders” are having more fun despite the fact that we face discrimination, derision, disrespect, and disparagement.
BUT – –
-maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to point fingers.
Are we acting our age and inviting this invective by:
- Looking and acting old in our dress, gait, posture, attitude, and language.
- Being inflexible in our thinking and not entertaining new ideas.
- Not proactively adding millennials and GenZ’ers to our networks and spending time and learning from them.
- Stopping learning and not staying current with national and global developments and new technology.
There are many ways we bring ageism to ourselves.
We’ve all got some work to do.
Chip Conley learned that. Despite his reputation and phenomenal entrepreneurial success, when he accepted a position at Airbnb to counsel CEO Brian Chesky and to be a mentor to Airbnb top performers, he found himself humbled as he engaged with people half his age and with twice his digital smarts. He learned that he needed to become an intern before he could mentor. From that experience, he coined the term “mentern.”
How about if we crawl out of our ideological, theological, age-stamped bubbles, stop listening to our own echoes and try a beginner’s mind, get curious, and go learn something from junior?
Maybe be a mentern. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
Thank you for this column ! I bought Ken’s book as the “ age wave” was sept on to where the boomers were going ! I only wished I had invested in the path us boomers were going!
I prefer “ adult woman” – why do we have to attach any other adjectives!? 🙂
Gary I like to refer to myself as an “retirement rebel” and one day I’m going to buy a Harley leather jacket and have that stitched on it. Ageism is BS and many of us like yourself are in the process of kicking the crap out of it.
ps I just sent my new book off to the printer – hallelujah!!!
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