Is Your Age a “Jail Sentence?” Or a “Gateway?”

A 64-year old woman recently found me through one of my blogs and engaged me about my career transition coaching services for folks at mid-life and beyond.

She is gainfully employed in her 20th year with her employer, but concerned about some changes that she finds unattractive and unsettling. She’s feeling trapped because her options are to go along with the changes or be asked to leave.

With her having three degrees (two bachelor’s, one master’s) and 20 years of continuous employment with the same company, I assumed this conversation was headed for a discussion about transitioning to retirement.

That was a brief, and dead-end, conversation.

Retirement isn’t an option because she and her husband have less than $40,000 in retirement savings. He has always been self-employed with no retirement savings plan. She has never earned more than $45,000 a year.

As a couple, they are not unlike a disturbingly high percentage of the American population.

As we reviewed her plight, she instinctively understood that her age was a major variable in any plans going forward.

It felt like a jail sentence to her.

I told her that it could be, depending on the choices she makes at this point and the mindset she adopts.

We discussed her options:

Suck it up, stay where you are, and adapt.
Quit and enter the job market to find another position.
Do a hybrid – suck it up, stay where you are but test the job market or other alternatives.

I will cross-body block her if she heads to #2 and the ageism therein.

This is a classic example of how mindset works for or against an individual. The thought of age 64 being anything other than a ball and chain is difficult under her circumstances.

This is a work-in-progress and part of my mission is to talk her down from the ledge that says the future is grim.

I want to expose her to a “gateway mindset.”

Unlocking the jail cell

Her limbic system – lizard brain, if you will – will put and keep her in jail if she allows it. Her lizard brain is there to protect her from things like saber-tooth tigers, warring tribes, starvation. The amygdala was doing it 200,000 years ago and still does, sans the tigers. Possibility thinking will need to do an override of an amygdala that’s just doing its job.

So we’re going to build a gateway through that protectionist biological process. Here are the pieces:

Raised self-awareness
Deep-dive skills inventory
Separate the important from the urgent
Walk to the edge of the comfort zone and peer over the edge using #1-3

Raised self-awareness

At this life juncture, it will be essential for her to reacquaint herself with her essence, her “one and no other.” What is it that she’s exceptional at doing, that lights her up, that makes time disappear as she does it? What would she be doing if time and money weren’t a consideration?

This could be helped along with some personal assessments such as DISC, Strengthsfinder, Enneagram to resurrect and reactive those latent talents and dreams.

Deep-dive skills inventory

Equipped with this raised self-awareness, it’s time to replay the life experience and work history tapes. What has she made happen that she is recognized for? What type of advice do people come to her for? Has she been acknowledged for a “uniqueness” in what she has done over the 20 years?

Separate the important from the urgent

This is where it can get a bit dicey and where an objective mindset is key. The urgent will dominate if you are trying to get out of jail.

The urgent says (with a boost from the amygdala):

I’ve got to find another job, quickly.
Who could possibly want a 64-year old woman with my narrow experience?
I’ll never be able to retire.

The important says:

I need to protect my health (she is contending with some challenges in this area).
I need to continue to support my live-in daughter and granddaughter while my daughter attends medical school.
I need to adopt a new mindset for this next phase built on optimism and confidence in my abilities.

Walk to the edge of the comfort zone and peer over the edge using pieces #1-3.

Very little significance happens inside the comfort zone. Jumping too far out is scary and may not be very productive. Stepping to the edge with full awareness of talents, skills, and experiences and beginning to evaluate opportunities makes sense at this point.

Stay tuned – news at 11:00

As I said, this is a work in progress. I’m going to suggest to her when we next meet that we take a stroll out to the edge of her comfort zone, look over the edge, and do some brainstorming.

Maybe we explore the possibility that her perception of this company change is wrong and could, in fact, be a new way for her to continue to gain a new skill, polish her favorable position within the company, gain new favor, increase her income, and avoid having to deal with ageism and a job search. That’s the “suck it up” part.
Maybe we take that talents and skills inventory, polish up her resume and LinkedIn presence and test the job market in positions related to what she does now or that call for the deep skills we know she has – all while she is heads down in her new position with her current employer. That’s a hybrid possibility.
Maybe we explore moving her toward a self-sustaining “semi-retirement” or “lifestyle business” while she is employed with an eye toward capitalizing on developed skills, her experience, and her interest in nutrition (her second bachelor’s is in nutrition). Another hybrid.

I’ll try to remember to come back with a report on how this all turns out.

I think of the legions of folks out there who are in similar situations but don’t take action because of fear, laziness, or a pollyannish optimism that it will all work out somehow. The 50s and 60s surface some of the biggest decisions one can make. A turning point with “go to jail, do not pass Go” implications. Or a gateway to the most productive, meaningful, purposeful time of life.

Trust yourself and choose wisely.

Meredith Abraham says:

August 10, 2021 at 11:29 am

Hi Gary, thank you for sharing this example. With my 50th birthday a few short months away I find myself questioning where I am and where I’m going. Thanks for giving me inspiration to walk to the edge of my comfort zone to explore the possibilities and potential for a much more fulfilling next phase.

M. says:
August 10, 2021 at 8:19 pm

Meredith, You’re not alone 😉 I feel the same way, I’m turning 50 next year.
Try to make the best of the new decade in your life 🙂

George Lorenzo says:

August 10, 2021 at 12:20 pm

Very interesting article – thank you. I can say that I went through a similar “revaluation” of everything at 62 and decided to keep on working pretty much full-time as a self-employed entrepreneur until I can’t anymore. That seemed to be the best option to both survive as well as feel good about myself. So far, so good. But at 67 I am now just starting to slow down a bit, smell the roses more, and be more mindful of the present. Life is good, but only if you keep working at it.

Phil says:

August 12, 2021 at 3:40 am

Gary another homerun article I enjoy how you bring someone I can connect with low savings but high level of education. I am on the edge of 60 yet my career was not to be a virtual educator what with covid and schools closing I am seeing where I can stay as an active online contract educator extending my career. No plans to return to a traditional k-12 union school instead I will risk it all yet happier as an edtech entrepreneur. I am certified to teach in 3 states and plan to make it 10 thank you Gary for the inspiration.

Stefa Katamay says:

August 13, 2021 at 5:22 pm

A terrific example when money IS an issue in making choices in mid-life.

Ross Hoberg says:

February 17, 2023 at 4:41 pm

Thanks for helping out, excellent information. “Our individual lives cannot, generally, be works of art unless the social order is also.” by Charles Horton Cooley.