Are You Prepared For the Challenges Presented When Both Spouses Retire? Here Are A Few Tips to Consider.

Spousal relationships can be heavily impacted by retirement, especially when both have been working and both decide to retire, regardless of the timing of the respective retirements.

The key to this and to the other elements of retirement that may take place is to start the planning process early, ideally 3–10 years ahead of the planned retirement date, and to COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!

It’s possible that each partner will have different expectations for their retired life together. Some of these expectations can be major and call for serious two-way compromise. Or face the dissolution of a marriage if not addressed.

Divorce of couples over 50 is the highest divorce rate in the U.S.  Most of these divorces are initiated by the woman.

Unfortunately, retirement decisions are not easily dislodged from favoring the male perspective and preferences.

Some examples

• The husband retires first and has his heart set on a second home on a golf course. The wife retires at the same time or later and wants the second home to be close to the grandchildren. This calls for serious compromise and should be on the table early and not surface as a surprise upon retirement.
• The wife retires after the husband, and his expectation of her, upon her retirement, is for her to run the household instead of equal sharing of those duties.
• One spouse may like to travel and the other not. That shouldn’t be a surprise a couple of weeks into the shared retirement. That card should be on that table early and a compromise reached.

An important part of the preparation process is for each partner to know and honor differences in personality, values, personal drivers, and aspirations. This will lead to a retired life that balances time together with time apart to pursue diverse interests.

There should be agreement on what they want to do together and what they wish to pursue separately. The retirement should not end up with a “clingy” partner. Nothing worse than a retired male who expects his wife to be his retirement plaything upon her retirement and failing to honor her desire to have her own life within retirement.

Retirement is full of surprises, usually positive in nature. But there can be many unpleasant surprises, which are unpredictable. But many of the potential pitfalls of retirement can be headed off by spouses getting on the same page about what their retired life is to look like and doing that well in advance of the retirement date(s).

Support that planning with a flexible written plan and revisit it at least twice a year and adjust as appropriate based on the early retirement experiences. It’s best to grow and learn your way into a satisfying and purposeful retirement.

Drifting in and winging it can be disastrous.

I’ve reached back into my archives to pull up a couple of retirement stories that you may find enlightening and helpful. Let us know what has worked for you in your couple’s retirement planning. Click on the pictures below to pull up the articles.