Where Do You Go With Your Wisdom? Don’t Waste It On An 88-year Old Retirement Model.

Image by Georgi Dyulgerov from Pixabay

Shouldn’t we, as “modern elders” be marrying our wisdom to others, somehow, someway?

We’ve piled up 30, 40, 50 years of it. Where does it make sense to hoard it, warehouse it, let it go stale?

OK, so you don’t feel like you are wise.

Wrong, dear friend!

You have your own individual wisdom, a mash up of all your victories, defeats, exhilarations, embarrassments.

Personally, I feel I’ve earned a masters degree in screw ups and a doctorate in toe-stubbing.

But, I claim no failures. It’s all just been a long string of research and development.

One of my failures, some would say, was that I missed that road sign that said “Detour 65. Please move to the sidelines, get out of the way, and take it easy.”

I often wonder what it would be like for me today if I had bought the traditional retirement Kool-Aid.

I can only conjecture, but there’s a part of me that still wants to avoid challenge, problems, or leaving the comfort zone. At my core, I’m as likely a candidate as those who succumb to the temptation to grab hold of this semi-entitlement and hop on to an ever accelerating downward curve.

We’ve all got this part in us. In fact, Steven Pressfield wrote a whole book on it: “The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles.” He calls it “the resistance” and “genius’s shadow” saying further that “- it prevents us from achieving the life God intended when He endowed each of us with our own unique genius.”

I arm wrestle with resistance everyday. Some days it wins, like last week when I failed to post my weekly article for only the 3rd time in 5 1/2 years. OK, it was the day the Nuggets swept the Lakers, so a little slack is accepted.

There is little more gratifying than winning that wrestling match and breaking through the imposter syndrome and doing what is invariably a mix of discomfort, inconvenience, and doubt.

Just know that the resistance doesn’t want you spreading that wisdom around. It won’t get in the way of you letting it atrophy.

 

Genius? Who me?

Yep. You!

We were all born individual geniuses. It doesn’t take long for that to be squashed. Parents, peers, professors, pastors, physicians, politicians, and pundits team up with the media and Pressfield’s resistance to take it away in favor of conformity, comfort, and convenience.

The result is a learned mindset that puts a time stamp on our value.

Retirement by it’s very definition means to “retreat to a place of safety and security.”

Biologically, neurologically, physically – that’s not a good place to go. But, the temptation is great because of the disguise that the resistance puts on an environment that slows the learning process, leads to sedentary lifestyles, reduces social relationships, and encourages removal of a key component of longevity – work!

Don’t be a burned-down library.

There’s an African proverb that says:

“When an old man dies, a library burns to the ground.”

What say, let’s spread our library around before it burns down. And, oh, by the way, it is going to burn down.

Keep learning. Keep stretching and pushing the edges. Help somebody. Be a rebel against the stale, illogical retirement model.

Favor us with your genius – it ain’t dead yet!!

 

 

 

 

Three Words That Can Change Life At Any Age: Choice, Creativity, Courage

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Raise your hand if you have found life to flow smoothly, without unexpected twists or turns.

Crickets!

Anyone here been sailing along, everything under control – good work, good health, enough money, things good at home, lots of friends – and then suddenly something knocks you off that plateau.

If that hasn’t happened to you, chances are it will at some point.

I want to talk with you about a three-step process common to nearly all of us when this happens – and how it can work for or against us.

What I just described is a wake-up call – or what I will call a trigger.  A trigger is something that precipitates a change.  That trigger can be a conscious choice – or an external event that disrupts our comfortable status.  The game changes so we must adapt. We must make a choice.

That is me at age 60 when I was offered an “early retirement buy out” at Worldcom.  They wanted me out – and I wanted out because it was obvious the company was in trouble.

It was a trigger that forced one of the most significant life changes I’ve made.  I was faced with an external event that forced an internal choice.

That trigger took me to the next step in that process – limbo.  I was in limbo at that point.  Do I get another job?  Do I leave the industry?  Do I go on unemployment and sulk?  Do I start a business?

In my case, being thrown into limbo forced a positive decision that had been brewing in my mind for a long time.  I started my own business.

I want to stay on this limbo concept for a moment because it is so important.  The trigger pushes us into limbo – an “in between time”.  We may have ended one period of stability but, as we face forward, we may not be seeing another beginning.

That is where, as a career coach for people at midlife, I see people skid off the tracks because the limbo stage is where we are faced with “what’s next”.  Limbo is a critical juncture.  It can be debilitating, a form of resignation, a prison sentence that says “it has to be this way.” It can cause someone to keep living the old story and accept it as the new reality.

Tim is an example.  I remember spending an hour on the phone with him some months back – he was referred to me because he is 61, unemployed, and unable to break back into the job market as a software developer.

Tim was forced into limbo five years ago when his company re-organized and let him go after 15 years. That trigger sent Tim into a limbo that he can’t seem to get out of. His work life since then has been a series of contract position doing less than he is qualified to do at 60-70% of the income level he had five years ago – and with no benefits.

Right now, he is back in limbo, finding it difficult to even secure a contract job because skill-level requirements may have passed him by.

My hour with him was similar to those I’ve had with others in this situation. Tim has discovered that his inattention to the rapid changes in software development has left him underqualified and unprepared for a return to what he used to be best at. He is nearing the end of his unemployment, living off of a trust his wife has, and even admitted to me that the daily cocktail hour is the best part of his day.

Inner kill

Tim could be succumbing to the worst-case scenario of being in limbo –inner kill – or dying without knowing it. The third element.

Inner kills starts when we stop growing, when we give up on ourselves, or when we take the easy, safe way.

Inner kill has recognizable symptoms:  avoiding decisions; daydreaming about early retirement; constant talk about intentions without doing anything; not sleeping at night; irritability as the default personality trait, repeating the same topics over and over again; frequent visits to the liquor store seeking a stronger alcohol prescription.

On the other hand, limbo can be a time for a deeper, game-changing conversation with ourselves.  We accept the limbo, work with it, and get fully engaged with the challenge that limbo presents.

That brings us back around to the three words I had you write down.  The way through limbo and away from inner kill is this simple success triumvirate.  You have a choice – move forward and grow or die without knowing it.

You have creativity within you – you didn’t get to where you are by accident. Resurrect that creativity and look at the limbo as a transition to a higher level.

And be courageous because you will need to be.

Resistance and self doubt will still be  your partner – courage is the antidote.

Choice – creativity – courage.  Three easy-to-remember C’s that can change your life for the better.

Within us at any age.

 

FOGO vs LOGO – A Formula for Aging With Purpose

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

A month ago, I wrote about a new acronym that has emerged regarding aging: FOGO – Fear of Growing Old. Allow me to quote myself from the article:

“FOGO is rooted in time travel. By that I mean, traveling to and wallowing in the regrets and guilt of the past or casting into the future where fear is inevitable.

The most effective antidote to our sadness and mood issues is to take today and make something of it using our talents and accumulated skills and experiences to be of service to someone.

Then rinse and repeat.

Fear and regrets cannot exist in the present moment.”

Well, I’ve got another acronym for you to consider: LOGO.

I know – it’s already a word meaning “an identifying symbol” as in advertising.

How ’bout we commandeer it and adapt and adopt it into our thinking as we advance through this second half.

LOGO = Love Of Growing Old

Hey, I get it – that’s counterintuitive, countercultural, counterwhatever.

Who in their right mind would love growing old?

Hang with me for a few paragraphs and let’s see how it just might make sense.

The opposite of fear is – -?

What would you guess it to be? Courage? Braveness? Confidence? Heroism? Faith? Joy?

Nope. It’s LOVE.

The gospel according to Chandler

I said last week that I’m going to immerse myself with a select group of authors/coaches/books. Right now, I’m one with Steve Chandler’s “Time Warrior“ for the third time.

One of Chandler’s constant themes is that the opposite of fear is love and that all fear comes from contemplating the future.

It’s darn easy to tumble into the future as we age: achy knees and backs, observation of others who haven’t aged well, loss of loved ones or friends.

When we contemplate growing old, fear will make its appearance.

Can we love growing old? I agree with Chandler – we can. In his words:

“Love comes from present-moment service. If you are swept up in pure, creative service, you won’t know how old you are. You won’t care. Practice everything you want to be good at no matter what age you think you are. Whether things go ‘according to plan’ is far less important than who you become in the process. Practice taking on ‘problems’ as intriguing and amusing challenges that fire you up.

“How do you get good at playing your life? Practice now. Not in the future. It’s really the answer. It eliminates the whole growing old issue. You’re too swept up to worry about some number that our social convention of ‘aging’ tries to attach to your life.”

Life as a game – not a gauntlet.

Number 81 gets tagged to me next week. I’m getting better at letting it be more important to others than it is to me. Yeah, there are those moments when I ask, “How did I get here so fast?” I don’t know what 81 should feel like since I haven’t been here before but I sense that those around me feel I should be feeling different than I do. I guess they’ve got time to contemplate my future.

I don’t.

I have a choice. Make my aging a game or a gauntlet.

As I get better at living in the moment without too much on my mind, it’s easier to turn it into a game. A game with “24 little hours.”

I  can find LOGO in those 24 hours.

If I stray from present-moment service and pull back from trying to create, I find myself in the gauntlet thinking about how old I am.

Game over.

 

Thinking About Your Thinking. A Key To Your Future Happiness.

Photo by jose aljovin on Unsplash

“There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.” Peter Drucker

Don’t you just hate guys like Drucker – dragging up so much truth and reality and sticking our noses in it? As a world changer, he got away with that tactic for decades – and still does, posthumously.

I just hired a business coach this month. After hearing my sad story of how my return for time invested in what I do is so dismal, she insisted I track my time in 15-30 minute increments for a few weeks.

My ego pushed back on the idea – because I knew what it would reveal and I felt some resentment at the subtle insinuation that my use of time is likely, well, Drucked up.

Well, I’m several days into tracking.

Yep, it’s Drucked up.

Where does this time-sucking stuff come from?

Based on what my timesheets are telling me, I better figure that out. I’ve set some ambitious targets for my business this year as a career transition specialist for healthcare professionals.

Somethin’s gotta change.

Thinking about thinking

This business coach experience I’m having has convinced me that I’ve gotten pretty lax in thinking about my thinking.

So, in addition to getting help in getting my business cranking, I’ve decided to immerse myself in the workings of four powerful thinkers: Steve Chandler, Michael Neill, Steven Pressfield, and Seth Godin.

I’ve decided I will be well served to do no reading outside of these four authors this year. There’s plenty there to fill the year since there are 30-40 hard-hitting books across the four of them.

I’ve written about Chandler before – I and his books go back almost 10 years. I’ve got nearly a dozen of his books on my shelf and on my Kindle, some of which I’ve read several times. They are fresh every time I read them.

Those that stand out are:

Time Warrior: How to Defeat Procrastination, People-Pleasing, Self Doubt, Over-Commitment, Broke Promises, and Chaos

Fearless: Creating the Courage to Change the Things You Can

The Story of You (And How to Create a New One)

While Chandler will certainly challenge you to “think about your thinking”, Michael Neill takes that to a whole new level.

I remembered that I had “Supercoach: 10 Secrets to Transform Anyone’s Life” languishing on my shelf.  So, I pulled it down last month and was shocked to discover that I had already read it three times, going back ten years.

I was more ready the fourth time. And it has inspired me to invest in two of his later books:

“The Inside-Out Revolution: The Only Thing You Need To Know To Change Your Life Forever.”

“Creating the Impossible: A 90-Day Program To Get Your Dreams Out Of Your Head And Into The World.” 

With Pressfield, no need to stray further than his classic “The War of Art.”

And Godin? All 18 of his books got progressively better and culminated in “The Practice.”  It awaits my fourth reading.

A system called today.

You will find a couple of persistent themes throughout this collection of books:

  1. We are only as healthy as our ability to gain control of our thoughts.
  2. Thoughts make a great servant but a terrible master.

If I want them to serve me, then I need to get them under control.

But thoughts are like a busy train station that never closes, delivering 60-70,000 thoughts a day, with each thought like a car on the train inviting us to travel with it.

Bad choice, bad destination. Unless you step off the train.

Supercoach Michael Neill talks about this in his book “Supercoach: 10 Secrets to Transform Anyone’s Life,” stating:

” — our thoughts are simply internal conversations and mental movies that have no power to impact our lives until we charge them up by deciding they are important and real. And if we “empower” the wrong thoughts, making our negative fantasies seem more realistic than our external reality, it’s like boarding a train to a destination we have no desire to actually reach.”

Some of my days are like that.

Steven Pressfield talks about it in his classic book, “The War of Art.” It’s called resistance.

Resistance is that spirit thing within us all that doesn’t want us to be efficient, happy, or successful. It disguises itself cleverly among the estimated 65,000 different thoughts that train through our minds daily. It then steps off the train at the worst times and takes a prominent seat smack in the middle of our day.

At this point, I find Steve Chandler’s advice in “Time Warrior” the most helpful in attacking my efficiency problem. Here are a few paragraphs that resonate:

“A time warrior doesn’t manage time but goes to war with all the beliefs that create linear time. Only a thought can produce a feeling of overwhelm. There is no overwhelm when you only do what is in front of you.  One hour of uninterrupted time is worth three hours of time that is constantly interrupted.”

“Non-linear time management doesn’t ever have a long timeline. It has two choices: now or not now. It’s built on a system called “today.”

“Age is a made-up story. I have only 2 ages – now and not now.”

Abundance is a thought.

This quote by Arnold Patent stuck with me this week. It speaks to the power of thought:

“We don’t create abundance. Abundance is always present. We create limitation.”

Can You Start Life Over at 60? It May Be the Best Time!

It’s a question that gets asked a lot, especially by men since we’re the ones that inflict ourselves with the pressure to “perform.”

I wrestled with this question at that age two decades ago.

My simple answer is “yes” – but – – – –

– – – you may want to consider “pivoting” rather than “starting over.” “Starting over” is too heavy mentally. It suggests dropping everything you’ve done and your accumulated life experience and starting with a completely fresh slate. That’s pretty daunting and impractical.

A pivot, on the other hand, suggests a change in direction but from a base of knowledge, experience, and understanding.

We see a lot of terms thrown around these days that imply starting over: re-invention, re-careering, re-wirement, renewal. It’s a pretty popular concept as our boomer generation hurtles into their sixties and seventies in a volatile, uncertain global economy.

Reintegrate

When considering a pivot, I favor a more practical term: re-integration. I borrowed the term and idea from Marc Freedman, CEO and President of Encore.org and one of the nation’s leading experts on the longevity revolution.

Freedman makes some very valid points in his argument for re-integration (the bolding is mine):

“Isn’t there something to be said for racking up decades of know-how and lessons, from failures as well as triumphs? Shouldn’t we aspire to build on that wisdom and understanding?

After years studying social innovators in the second half of life — individuals who have done their greatest work after 50 —I’m convinced the most powerful pattern that emerges from their stories can be described as reintegration, not reinvention. These successful late-blooming entrepreneurs weave together accumulated knowledge with creativity, while balancing continuity with change, in crafting a new idea that’s almost always deeply rooted in earlier chapters and activities.”

Career- or life-pivoting has never been more common than it is today, driven by rapid technological change, increased volatility of corporate employment, global competition, and a higher-than-average entrepreneurial spirit amongst baby boomers.

I have personally “pivoted” three times since turning 60. I left the corporate world at age 60 and started my own recruiting business. That was a major pivot and came close to a full start-over. However, I found that my 35+ years of sales and marketing “integrated” reasonably well with the recruiting business because it’s a difficult business built on the ability to sell.

I then did a gradual pivot to more career coaching as a supplement to my recruiting business as I found I was more effective in a coaching role and enjoyed helping people find their way in their careers.

I pivoted again, at 77, away from recruiting and focusing more on career- and retirement coaching for people over 50. I also have discovered that I have a love and knack for writing.  I write daily and this weekly blog is now 5 1/2 years and 275 published articles old.

That pivot continues as I’m now enjoying being able to combine my ability to write creatively with meeting and helping executive-level professionals – particularly healthcare executives – develop career marketing documents along with providing career transition coaching.

I believe I’m an example of how re-integration works because nowhere along the way since age 60 was it a complete start over for me. I was acknowledging my core interests and talents and bringing forward skills and experiences that support them.

If you find yourself in what you feel is a “start over” situation, here are a few things you may want to consider:

  1. Find your true self. Most people have suppressed their deepest desires and talents in favor of a paycheck, building someone else’s dream. Start your “pivot” with some deep reflection and strive to “re-discover” your true self. What are you really, really, really good at? What do you really, really, really want to do with your life? I would suggest some personal assessments such as Strengthsfinders or Enneagram or DISC to help you discover your true self. And do some serious reading such as Martha Beck’s “Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live” and “Transitions” by William Bridges.
  2. Take the long view. If you are 60 and in relatively good health, you may have a runway of 30–40 years ahead of you with easily more than half of those years having the potential to be highly productive and fulfilling. Above all, don’t succumb to the cultural pressure of needing to be “retired” at 65. That number is a relic established 86 years ago for political reasons when the average life span was 62. Retirement is a killer of creativity and dreams, not to mention bodies and minds. Think about what you have experienced in terms of changes around you in one generation (18 years). It’s staggering but speaks to how much can be accomplished in a single generation. And technological changes are accelerating that. With the possibility of a two-generation runway ahead of you, the possibilities can, and should be, exciting.
  3. Take a hard look at your cultural beliefs. You have some (maybe many) that are holding you back, guaranteed. Tony Robbins has transformed the lives of thousands by helping them understand that much of our lives are driven by our beliefs and many of them are harmful. Here’s a couple that I see a lot: (1) retirement is good, and I’m entitled to it. I’ve heard retirement referred to by high achievers as “the ultimate casualty”, “statutory senility” “a signal to the universe that you are getting ready to send your parts back”. Traditional labor-to-leisure retirement has few upsides and many downsides. It’s an unnatural act that goes against our natural biology; (2) you are “over-the-hill” at 60 and your brain and body are automatically going to atrophy. Totally false. We can grow brain cells until we die by maintaining a healthy lifestyle and continuing to challenge ourselves mentally through continuous learning. And we can maintain vitality and delay frailty through an active lifestyle that includes exercise and a good diet.

People are “pivoting” in large numbers and realizing tremendous successes, even in the face of these volatile, rapidly-changing times. So gather up your talents, skills, and experience and put them to work doing something that you are really good at and that society needs. When that comes together, you’ll forget all those numbers that our culture throws at us and has us second-guessing ourselves.

Good luck – pivot on!

Got a “pivot story?” Love to hear about it. Leave a comment with your story.

Are Millennials and GenXer’s More Prepared Than Previous Generations for Retirement? Probably Not? So What?

I’m not sure how many in my subscriber tribe fall in the GenX or millennial age category. I’m guessing not the majority. Regardless, I’m forging forward with this message because it also has relevancy for us modern elders.

Statistics are revealing that the millennial and GenX generations are less financially prepared for retirement than previous generations. Here’s a chart that supports that:

The chart sends off some pretty scary signals if you are stacking it up against the still prevalent view of where one should be to experience traditional, full-stop retirement.

Here are some headlines from a Business Insider article quoting a Boston University economist who warns that GenXers and millennials will be facing a “retirement crisis.”

    • Over half of Gen Z and millennials could enter retirement with insufficient savings, says a Boston University economist.

    • With inflation rising, the magic number for a comfortable retirement could be close to $3 million.

    • Working later in life to catch up on savings might not be a tenable solution.

The article goes on to suggest that, while $1 million has long been considered the “magic number for retirement savings”, for late GenXers and millennials that number should be closer to $3 million.

Chew on that for a second and do the math.

So, you’re 30 and have $37K in the bank. A well-meaning financial planner suggests that you should find an occupation and adjust to a lifestyle that will enable you to accumulate that $3M over the next 35 years (he/she probably still holds the number 65 as sacrosanct).

That’s too much math for me to calculate, but I’m comfortable suggesting that you will need to start saving somewhere around $2500-$3000 per month.

Uh – have fun with that!

Even if you are a slug and settle for a mere $1 million, the number is still a lifestyle-destroying number.

That’s why the retirement story is changing.

Although far too many of us pre-boomers and boomers continue to infer it, GenXers and millennials aren’t stupid. They are very aware. Many are looking at the consequences of previous generations’ commitment to the 20th-century linear life model of Learn – Earn – Retire – Die and deciding they want no part of it.

They are realizing it isn’t about the numbers, but about the lifestyle. They see no logic in a model that suggests 30–40 years of busting your hump and sacrificing health and relationships to achieve a number to support what, for far too many, is a retirement that is shorter than expected and full of health challenges as a result of the stress and poor lifestyle habits built into this old model.

Traditional, full-stop retirement is dying –

-and GenXer and millennials are helping drive the demise.

There is a growing “never retire” movement beginning to develop that eschews traditional retirement in favor of a life plan that calls for retiring into a lifestyle early in life doing what you enjoy most, are good at, that brings value to the world and the community, that supports their financial needs, and that they can do late into old age if they choose.

Call it a “never retire” model.

Yep, it’s totally antithetical and counter-cultural. But, it recognizes that the Learn-Earn-Retire-Die model worked 50 years ago, but makes no sense now. Learning and earning can be spread over the lifetime and in a way that is more fulfilling, less stressful, less selfish, less self-indulgent, and more in step with how our lifespans and healthspans are changing.

So, yes GenXers and millennials are less prepared for the archaic, traditional retirement model but are growing in their awareness of a more sensible, logical, relevant model that puts lifestyle and experience ahead of money and puts them on a path for a longer, healthier, and more fulfilling lifespan.

Should we be taking notes?

The reality is that lots of us modern elders – especially the younger boomers who missed the internet boom – aren’t financially prepared to support our extended life spans. Check out that $280K average retirement savings for the 65+ in the chart above. That may get us a lifetime of bingo and backgammon, but not much else.

Sorry, Mabel – the Norwegian cruise is off the table.

Maybe it’s not too late for us to listen to these youngers and jettison the retirement mindset and consider the never-retire option. I’ve been giving semi-retirement a go for almost two decades now balancing labor, leisure, and learning and it feels increasingly comfortable as the years advance.

But, no one wants to be me – including me more days than I wish to admit.

I’ll keep rolling with this model until the parts give out.

Maybe those behind us are onto something!

Whaddayathink about this?  We’d love to have your two cents worth – or more. Leave us a comment or shoot an email to gary@makeagingwork.com.

 

 

 

 

If Career Defined You, How Do You Find Fulfillment in Retirement?

There’s a bigger question.

If your career is fulfilling, why would you retire?

Ask Warren Buffett or William Shatner or any of a long list of creative people who find fulfillment in their careers, don’t retire, and will only hang it up when the body/mind hangs it up.

Or consider George Burns who worked until he was 100 and said:

  • Retire? I’m going to stay in show business until I’m the only one left.
  • People are always asking me when I’m going to retire. Why should I? I’ve got it two ways — I’m still making movies, and I’m a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half-price.
  • How can I die? I’m booked.

Unfortunately, most people won’t have total control of their career situation, having chosen to work for someone. There’s where the challenge lies.

The transition into retirement is one of the major disruptors in life, often with unforeseen problems. The respected Holmes and Rahe stress scale determined that retirement is #10 out of the top 43 stressors in life.

Take a peek at the nine that are ahead of it:

  1. Death of spouse (100)
  2. Divorce (73)
  3. Marital separation (65)
  4. Jail term (63)
  5. Death of close family member (63)
  6. Personal injury or illness (53)
  7. Marriage (50)
  8. Fired at work (47)
  9. Marital reconciliation (45)
  10. Retirement (45)

Research has confirmed that lack of fulfillment together with feelings of irrelevance and the loss of identity are common among retirees. It’s a direct result of drifting into retirement without a non-financial plan that would address the mental, physical, social, and spiritual side of retirement.

Smart retirees are starting their retirement planning 5–10 years ahead of the projected retirement date with an eye toward building in something that will replace the fulfillment they experienced during their careers.

That’s a very individual process. Some find it in volunteering. Some start businesses. Some mentor and counsel. Some find very fulfilling hobbies.

In keeping with our human nature, it appears that whatever it is, fulfillment will come from avoiding a self-indulgent, leisure-based retirement and having an element of giving back or bringing some level of value to the world.

Happy in your retirement? Tell us how you’ve made it work for you. We’d love to hear from you. Leave a comment below.

What Is a Middle-age Crisis? Had Yours Yet?

 

 

The concept of a “crisis” at mid-life is talked about a lot.

IMHO, it’s highly overplayed. Few of us experience a true crisis. It’s really more of a catharsis that we go through, usually starting at that point where the ego begins to move aside and the need to continue to accumulate, strive for title or prestige, and meet artificial cultural expectations begins to fade.

It can be a point in which the individual comes to grips with the fact that earlier life decisions have placed them into something outside of their true nature or essence.

Often, it’s the realization that continuing on the ego-dominated track seems pointless, or certainly not fulfilling, in the long run.

The caricature of the red convertible, trophy wife, and bling is rarely the true manifestation of a middle-age crisis. It will tend to be more of a phase of deep and often uncomfortable internal turmoil and reflection, with questions like:

  1. Is this all there is?
  2. Does anyone know I’m here or really care? (P.S. – they don’t.)
  3. Am I doing anything that will succeed me? How do I leave a footprint when I’m gone? Do I still have time?
  4. Why do I feel so empty in what I do?

The classic for me, as I finally acknowledged a catharsis in my mid-50s, was this:

  1. Is it true that the number of people who will attend my funeral will be largely determined by the weather?

OUCH!

For many, this midlife catharsis represents a significant turning point that leads to a life that is more fulfilling and purposeful. For others, the potential for this turning point is missed, the cathartic questions ignored, the ego kept in control, and an opportunity wasted.

The career is where the catharsis and the tough questions are most likely to emerge. Most career decisions are made to satisfy the ego and the need to accumulate, compare favorably, and meet cultural expectations.

It’s a fortunate soul who comes to the realization that their career choice is misaligned with their deepest talents and true essence and then able to emerge from this catharsis doing something that aligns with that essence.

I’m a poster child –

-for mishandling a catharsis.

I acknowledged, by my mid-50s, that corporate life had been a mismatch for me all along, although I was almost three decades into it.

I decided to disengage and do my own thing at age 60, a time when many are choosing which pasture they want to head for.

My own thing didn’t flourish. It was done for the wrong reasons – to make more money and gain control of my time.

Ego driven.

It failed to consider the misalignment with the way my creator wired me up, with the things that were natural, comfortable, and easy for me.

I was continuing to try to fit the proverbial square peg in the round hole.

A second catharsis.

It took me until my 70s to fully unfold the earlier catharsis and realize and act on my true essence and innate talents.

I was a teacher, a learner, a deep introvert, an iconoclast with a “terrifying longing” to write or speak to the unordinary.

Although quite late, I consider myself fortunate to know where I should be and what I should be doing by honoring my essence. And that I have something that I can finish out with and perhaps even leave a faint footprint.

I’ve adopted a mantra from one of my heroes, Dr. Ken Dychtwald, author and expert on aging and founder of the AgeWave organization, who lives by this simple phrase:

Breathe – Learn – Teach – Repeat

It’s a fit and the result of catharses, not a crisis.

Did you have one? Having one now? If you did, how did your middle age crisis/catharsis play out? Love to hear from you on this one. Leave a comment or email me at gary@makeagingwork.com.

P.S. I apologize for my two-week absence (the first time in 5 years). My hosting service chose to do maintenance on my site on 9/19 and proceeded to take down the site along with access to my WordPress. It took them until last week to sort it out.

You’re Over 50. Heads Up – Your Intelligence Is Crystallizing. (if you’re lucky!)

Photo by Volodymyr Hryshchenko on Unsplash

Did you know that we go through two stages of intelligence across our lifespan?

I didn’t either until I came across a conversation between Chip Conley and Arthur Brooks.

As you may recall, I’m a big fan of Chip Conley, entrepreneur, author of “Wisdom at Work” and founder of the Modern Elder Academy. I’ve written about Chip before:

Be Part of the “Modern Elder” Movement

I’ve also been following Brooks, social scientist, musician, columnist for The Atlantic, and past president of the conservative think tank, the American Enterprise Institute.

When I learned that Chip was interviewing Arthur, I figured there might be some magic.

And there was.

I’ve included a link to the 49-minute YouTube interview below that I hope you will find the time to watch. You’ll be glad you did. It has life-changing content.

Two intelligences; two success curves

Drawing from his new book “Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life”, Brooks notes that we experience two different forms of intelligence during our lifetime. 

Accompanying those different intelligences are two success curves if we choose to pursue them:

The first success curve is the Fluid Success Curve which Brooks describes as when our analytical capacity is highest, our entrepreneurial ability the keenest, our ability to answer questions the quickest. It grows fastest in our late 20s and is most likely highest in our early 30s. Then a decline starts in the late 30s, accelerates through our 40s, and is in the tank by our 50s.

It explains why most successful entrepreneurial startups happen at or around age 31.

Maybe you did something with your Fluid Success Curve – I’m afraid I slept through mine.

But there’s hope for those of us who missed or have moved beyond that curve because there is a bailout.

It’s called the Crystallized Success Curve and it picks up momentum in your 40s, gets really high in your 50s and 60s, and stays high in your 70s, 80s, and 90s, assuming the neurons and synaptic connections don’t go south.

Whew!

In Brooks’ words, when we have crystallized intelligence, we aren’t so good at coming up with new ideas but really good at taking other people’s ideas and bringing them together into a coherent whole, or telling stories that other people can’t see, or teaching, or figuring out what stuff means, or forming teams.

The biggest takeaway: most people don’t know that the Crystallized Success Curve exists.

If we modern elders figure it out, he says, “the world is our oyster.”

Why? Because that’s where the greatest, most satisfying, and joyful success exists –

– and you get to keep it for the rest of your life. 

That’s wisdom at work.

And that says we have the greatest, most exciting, most fruitful span of life ahead of us after 50.

Please take the time to view the video and leave us your thoughts.

 

What is better – having a job or being retired? Let’s think this through.

I’ll apologize in advance for what is a pretty esoteric answer.

I suggest that neither is a good option.

Job

What is a “job?” Some have defined it as “jackass of the boss”, a rather brash definition but, unfortunately, one that applies for many.

A job is a relatable term for most as it’s what we do every day to produce income, the fuel that keeps us on the daily racecourse. The dictionary defines job as “a lump, chore or duty.”

For some, that lump is a “lump of coal.”

Jobs became the thing with the industrial revolution as industry carved things up into chores or duties all focused collectively on enabling the achievement of the company goals.

Fundamentally, we began to sell our time to build someone else’s dream.

Consider that the average job is around 3.2 years and that during the average lifespan, most of us will have had a dozen or more “jobs.”

Career

With a step up the work chain, we find “career” which is a word, interestingly, that has its origin in the Latin word “carrus” or “wheeled vehicle” denoting a “cart” and then later from the French word “carrier” denoting a road or racecourse.

The dictionary defines career, as a verb, to mean “move swiftly and in an uncontrolled way in a specified direction.”

Careers for many are just that – a mad rush for a long time that ends up going nowhere with that disappointment coming late in life. Or maybe it’s going somewhere in terms of provision and accumulation, but not in a way that fits the definition of a “calling”.

The checkered flag at the end of this racecourse is that coveted pot of gold called retirement, a finish line the desire for which may have impeded the pursuit of a true calling.

Vocation

Which leads, then, to the concept of vocation. Vocation is rooted in the Latin vocāre, meaning to call, which suggests listening for something that calls out to you, a voice telling you what you are.

Today, we’ve convoluted the true meaning of the word and relate vocation to specialized training into a “career track” or a “job” via a vocational or trade school. Not likely the pursuit of a “higher calling” but more a decision based on need and what may be trending in the “job” market.

GRAMMARIST | English grammar, usage, and style blog defines a vocation as:

“a calling, an occupation, or a large undertaking for which one is especially suited. It can be roughly synonymous with career or profession, though vocation connotes a seriousness or a commitment that these words don’t always bear.”

Currently, we tend to mix vocation in with two other words – career and job – when their distinctions are quite different.

I’m basing this strange answer on a simple observation – one that I made about four decades ago that still holds true.

Highly successful people, world changers, and deep influencers don’t have jobs or careers and they don’t retire.

They have a vocation. They have discovered and are answering a calling. They are honoring their “uniqueability.” They don’t leave the creative process. They tend to “work themselves to death.”

And-

-they live longer than most.

Work – another bad four-letter word.

Retirement is based on a French verb meaning “retreat, go backward.”

We’ve bought into this unnatural, longevity-sapping act which has created an either/or mindset. Work is something to get away from. We either work or we retire – not both.

The possibility of avoiding a “lump of coal” or job and pursuing a life of leisure has a much stronger appeal than considering the possibility of a lifetime of answering a calling and pursuing it to the end.

We all have a “vocation” in us. But it gets covered over, pushed back as we pursue the 20th-century linear life model of learn-earn-relax/retire-die.

Within that model, we will pursue that paycheck at the expense of our calling to achieve an act that has been shown to shorten our lives and create a drain on our society.

We’re waking up.

The no-work, leisure-based retirement model is dying, none too soon. The emerging model rejects either/or and thinks both/and with the emergence of a lifestyle model built around “semi-retirement for a lifetime.”

It’s built around the simple discovery that busting your hump for 40+ years to accumulate enough to do nothing for another 20 years is a failed model. It is nearly impossible to accumulate enough savings over a 40-year work life to support a totally no-work lifestyle for another 20–30 years.

Millennials, GenXers, and even Boomers, are adopting a semi-retired lifestyle built around work following their calling and designed to support a balance of work, leisure, and learning for a lifetime.