Let’s Give This Loser the Boot!

It’s gotta be better!

It’s gonna be better!

Time to move on and give this loser of a year the boot!

I had a rough morning thinking about what didn’t happen this year that I wanted to happen.

Some highlights, a lot of lowlights.

But, there was one big highlight:

YOU!

I pushed out 51 articles in the 52 weeks. And you stuck around.

A flattering percentage of you actually read the articles – and many offered encouraging feedback.

With this last post for 2020, let me share links to the three most popular articles in 2020. You voted with the most “opens” and “clicks” for these articles.

Three things a person should avoid once they are past 70 years old. P.S. I’m on the list

Five Critical Steps to Thriving Within Your Longevity Bonus

Whew! Good News About Being 60!

Thanks for being a loyal reader and for your encouragement. I look forward to trying to bring something of value to you with each article. You can help by letting me know what topics or type of information you would like to know more about.

Happy New Year!

 

 

WARNING! Your Retirement May Be a Cul-De-Sac

When I made my final corporate relocation and moved to Denver in 1979, I ensconced our family in a house at the top of an 11-house cul-de-sac where we remained for 21 years. It was a tight little community with, at one point, 23 kids under the age of 11.

You can visualize what a summer evening was like on that cul-de-sac.  Active. Noisy. Kids creating on the fly. Jockeying for alpha positions. Forming and dissolving close bonds.

All in one evening.

We liked the cul-de-sac because it was:

  • Safe
  • Secure
  • No through traffic
  • Quiet
  • Comfortable

Kinda reminds you of what retired life is supposed to be like, right? At least, the way the concept has historically been dished out by the financial services community.

I can’t attest to all that personally since I’ve chosen to avoid retirement. But, it appears to be true for most.

Until it isn’t.

Safe, secure, quiet, and comfortable worked several decades ago when retired life lasted five years if you were lucky. With extended lifespans adding 25-40 years to our lives, there are downsides to that combination

There is sort of a trojan-horse-like quality to buying into a “cul-de-sac retirement.”

The following may seem a little strange but remember it’s coming from a scattered brain. So, hang with me for a few paragraphs.

This past week, I had a Seth Godin moment. Seth is one of my favorite personal development authors. He’s a phenomenally successful, esoteric, iconoclastic, irreverent, creative author – all the things I’d like to be when I grow up.

I pulled his copy of “The Dip: A Little Book That Teaches You When to Quit (And When to Stick)” off my “A” bookshelf and read it for the third time (two-hour read).

Godin led me to the real definition and a more appropriate application of the cul-de-sac to second-half or third-age living.

First, Godin reminds us that cul-de-sac is a French word with a variety of meanings:

  • “dead end, blind alley, impasse, enclosure, trap, cavity.”
  • “a route or course leading nowhere.”

Secondly, he emphasizes the importance of the “dips” we experience throughout life and introduces the importance of “strategic quitting” as a key to maximizing a journey to success, be it in a career or life.

Retirement and Dip?? Where is this going?

Maybe a Godin quote from the book will help:

“Almost everything in life worth doing is controlled by the Dip. At the beginning, when you first start something, it’s fun. You could be taking up golf or acupuncture or piloting a plane or doing chemistry (or retirement? my note) – doesn’t matter; it’s interesting, and you get plenty of good feedback from the people around you. Over the next few day and weeks (and years? my note), the rapid learning keeps you going. Whatever your new thing is, it’s easy to stay engaged with it.

And then the Dip happens.

The Dip is the long slog between starting and mastery. A long slog that’s actually a shortcut, because it gets you where you want to go faster than any other path.”

From his book, Godin portrays it like this:

Then Godin injects the concept of cul-de-sac using the French definition “dead end,” applying it mostly to a work situation as – –

“– where you work and you work and you work and nothing much changes. It doesn’t get a lot better, it doesn’t get a lot worse. It just is.”

That’s when it hit me. He’s describing what can happen to us as we enter into the “obligatory, entitled” phase of life called retirement. It’s a comfortable, safe, quiet “dip” that is easy to extend for a long time – too long, in my opinion. I side with Godin’s position on the Dip:

“There’s not a lot to say about the Cul-de-Sac except to realize that it exists and to embrace the fact that when you find one, you need to get off it. That’s because a dead end is keeping you from doing something else. The opportunity cost of investing your life in something that’s not going to get better is just too high.”

The euphoria, new freedom, independence, comfort, the quietness of retirement is a very alluring “Dip.” One that is easy to extend through those early retirement years where physical and cognitive skills are still very much alive and keen.

What’s not to like, right?

That’s the “trojan horse” part.  Staying in the Dip of safe, comfortable, quiet retirement fails to acknowledge its fundamental violation of our very anatomy and biology. We are offered only two choices by our biology, regardless of age or stage:

Grow or decay.

Stay in the Dip of self-indulgent, leisure-based retirement for too long and guess what side of the biological ledger we end up on.

Decay. Physical and cognitive decay.

Maybe the fact that the average American still only makes it to 80 but with over 10 years of that in ill-health adds some credibility to my argument, which is:

Get out of the cul-de-sac within 2-3 years of your retirement start date!

Over the last few years, I’ve engaged a lot of healthcare executives who are at or close to that retirement phase and wrestling with the big question “What’s next?”  These folks are accustomed to a work-life that operates at 110 mph.  They are fearful of the prospect of going from that pace to zero.

It turns out that Seth and I seem to be on the same page with my advice for these high achievers. I suggest they take a year or two and indulge themselves in this new freedom and independence (the DIP) while encouraging them to not get too used to it. Rather, use it also as a time to reflect and explore. Godin would call it “leaning into the dip” and using it to figure out what they want the rest of their life to look like.

With a potential post-career runway of 25-40 years, getting stuck in the dip is a great waste and a loss to our society.

It’s called “strategic quitting”  – quitting the comfortable, dangerous “dip” with an eye toward a legacy, or leaving a footprint, and not joining the masses who are “living too short and dying too long” with no sense of purpose and limited meaning in their lives.

I’ll wrap by borrowing the words of Monsignor Charles Fahey, Founding Director of Fordham’s Third Age Center:

“People in the third age should be the glue of a society, not its ashes.”

Thanks for hanging in to the end.  Please leave a comment – your insights are very valuable. Also, if you haven’t joined our email list to receive this weekly diatribe, trip on over to www.makeagingwork.com and join us – and tell your friends.

Have a safe and happy holiday!!

 

Escaping Your Cultural Captors – Your Portal May Be Pooping On Your Potential!

Have you ever thought of yourself as being in a “cultural fishbowl?”

News alert! You’re in one!

If you’re 16, you are in a cultural fishbowl with the world watching to see how well you manage your rebelliousness and bone-headedness.

If you are 60, your cultural fishbowl is being watched by a crowd with a bias that favors the young and cloaks you in all sorts of portal-based expectations.

You know the type of expectations I mean. They’ve been pounded into you by the powerful “P’s” in your life: parents, peers, professors, physicians, politicians, pundits.

Expectations like:

  • Act your age
  • Don’t go beyond the pale, stay in the pale
  • Getting old will be difficult
  • Your DNA is your destiny; you’re a slave of your genetics
  • Longevity is fixed, not learned
  • Expect decline
  • Wind down, not up
  • Take it easy, don’t push yourself
  • Don’t start a business
  • Senescence is automatic and guaranteed
  • Don’t over-exert yourself
  • Don’t fall in love again
  • Be silent, be hidden

Portal? What’s a portal?

I first wrote about cultural portals a couple of years ago (go here) referencing the work that neuropsychologist Dr. Mario Martinez has done on the power of cultural beliefs in his two excellent books “The Mindbody Self: How Longevity is Culturally Learned and the Causes of Health Are Inherited” and “The Mindbody Code: How to Change the Beliefs that Limit Your Health, Longevity, and Success.” (pd links).

According to Dr. Martinez, a cultural portal is a “– culturally defined segment of expected beliefs and conduct.” He offers up a list of cultural portal with the following categories: newborn, infancy, childhood, adolescence, young adult, middle age, and old age. With the help of social scientists and clever, exploitation-minded marketers, we’ve moved to seven from the two (child-adult) we had 120 years ago.

Every portal has it’s own degree of acceptance and it’s own set of constraining rules. In the middle-age and old-age portal, the acceptance and the rules can take on a nefarious tone, especially when it comes to self-acceptance.

In Dr. Martinez’s words, the old age portal “— defines what you can longer do in the present and future that was allowed in the past portals. For example, strenuous physical activity, falling in love again, good health, physical strength, good memory, and expectations for a bright future are redefined based on the premise that aging is a process of diminishing returns.”

Dr. Martinez makes the point that we can step out of a portal but first have to recognize that there is life beyond the cultural fishbowl. He evens suggests that a touch of rebellion needs to be applied to overcome what we are expected to do.

Alas, in the sixth and seventh portals, we are not so much into being rebels, more into acceptance and have, perhaps, used up our ready reserve of rebellion.

And that’s where we may just poop on our potential.

We ain’t done yet!!

Here’s a 10-point plan for exiting your “old-age”  cultural fishbowl – and continuing to realize your potential.

With loads of help from Dr. Martinez  – – – – –

1. Be an outlier and defy cultural restraints and move on to self-discovery. Get serious about letting your true self out.

2. Be patient and don’t give in to the admonitions from family and friends that say “it’s for your own good” or “relax and enjoy your retirement” or “you’re not as young as you think.” Remember, they are co-authors of the cultural belief and are, Dr. Martinez reminds us, “responding from their own fishbowl and are unable to see beyond their culturally imposed limitations.”

3. Find co-authors and other rebels or outliers your age and watch how they thrive outside their fishbowl.

4. Refuse senior discounts and other entitlements for being “old.”

5. Bypass family illnesses and don’t let family talk you into believing they are inevitable. After age 65, genetics plays virtually no role in what may afflict us.

6. Move from entitlement consciousness to resource consciousness. Be a font of wisdom and share it with others.

7. Maintain a sense of humor. Don’t take yourself or life too seriously – you’re not getting out alive. Laugh along the way. Make what you have left a game.

8. Look surprisingly younger. It starts with attitude and how we carry ourselves and convey energy. And a consistent dose of aerobic and strength-training exercise coupled with current dress won’t hurt either.

9.Rethink your retirement. Entering the culturally defined retirement portal means embracing the limitations therein i.e. the retirement consciousness, the trap that says not to plan beyond the actuarial tables. We can turn this portal into a purpose-driven, meaningful time that leverages dreams, talents, skills, and experiences into something that impacts the world around us.

10. Explore going beyond the pale. We can seek paths that can lead to our individuation.

Dr. Martinez wisely reminds us:

“Since our biology is influenced by our cultural beliefs, our mindbody conforms to what we are expected to be in each portal”  and that “- we need to be mindful that cultural portals influence our identity and we unwittingly co-author the process.”

Our cultures mold helplessness or empowerment.

Which fishbowl do you want to be in?

Leave a comment below and tells us how you’ve avoided the cultural portal trap. Thanks for being part of the growing “tribe”. Tell your friends about these free weekly articles and refer them over to www.makeagingwork.com where they can receive a free 25-page ebook entitled “Achieve Your Full Life Potential”  for signing up.

 

 

Your Attitude Is the Difference Maker.

Coincidence?

IF . . . 

A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z

EQUALS . . . 

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-21-22-23-24-25-26

THEN . . . 

K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E 

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

BUT . . .

A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

Raise your hand if you’ve seen this clever formula 700 times?

I thought about it today as I watched the views on one of my six-month-old Quora answers suddenly shoot up – from zero views when I wrote it in June to nearly 5,000 views over the last two weeks.

The question I answered was:

“I’m 57, have no savings, and am unemployed. Is it too late to turn my life around?”

It apparently got shared into a group that relates to the nature of the question. And, I suspect, that COVID has boosted the interest in the topic considerably.

Here’s my answer to the question:

Absolutely not!!!

I’ll invoke an overused cliche:

It’s never too late to start but always too early to quit!

Consider that you likely have 20–30 years ahead of you – maybe more if you have been taking care of yourself physically. That’s 1–2 generations. Think of how much we have progressed in that amount of time. You can make lots happen in that amount of time also.

While I don’t know your life situation, I feel safe in saying that you got to 57 with some successes along the way. It’s only in your head that it’s disgraceful to be unemployed and with no savings. Frankly, virtually nobody is thinking about you or really cares – you just think they are and this will erode your self-image and make the road ahead harder.

So start by reminding yourself of what successes you’ve had and what it was that made you successful at it. As all of us do, you have innate talents that you can continue to build on.

Ask yourself: what do I like doing and what am I really good at? When you have that figured out, then get aggressive about finding a match for that combination. Let the match with your talents be the guide to your decisions and not money. When you have your talents aligned with your work, you’ll see the rewards come.

In step with this, maybe a change in self-discipline is in order as well. As in, spend less than you make. With a 30–40 year runway, you have the opportunity to make a solid financial recovery. Plus when you are doing what you love, you aren’t likely to succumb to the social pressure to “retire.”

So think of it as being 2/3 done with 1/3 left with the advantage of being able to leverage accumulated life skills, work experiences, wisdom into a lifestyle of work that can be more gratifying, purposeful, fulfilling and financially rewarding than the first 2/3.

You are uniquely gifted and far from a slug. Recognize that, change your self-talk, get into motion, get help, and launch your restart. And remember that our society needs you being a producer and not another “hanger-on” or someone on the dole.

Good luck – and thanks for putting yourself out there. Beginning is half done!!

 COVID + POLITICIANS . . .

3+15+22+9+4+16+15+12+9+20+9+1+14+19 = 168% = off-the-charts funk!

No question, it’s tough to stay positive. I don’t know about you, but the walls are starting to come in.

I gassed up my car this week for the first time in 11 weeks. Who could have imagined a “quarterly visit to the gas station?”

Or a Thanksgiving on the back deck with space heaters? Cold mashed potatoes are OK, but only with family.

 

An illusion of leadership

It really does come down to attitude, doesn’t it? Something over which we have near-total control.

I suggest we pay attention to another time-worn adage:

“We can’t control our circumstances. We can only control how we respond to those circumstances.”

I ran across another quote that seems appropriate for the times we are in. It’s by the late Henri Nouwen, Dutch Catholic priest, professor, writer, and theologian. He said:

“The great illusion of leadership is to think that man can be led out of the desert by someone who has never been there.”

As we wrap up four years of illusory leadership and head into another four with the scant chance for improvement, it comes down to generating our own leadership. Our leaders are lost, confused, hedonistic, greedy, and  – – – don’t get me started!

We are being tested, and we are leaderless. Something greater than the circus on the Potomac is in charge and that’s what we need to tap into. And it starts between our temples – with our attitude.

The maturity, wisdom, grit, integrity, and attitudes we “modern elders” possess can face this crisis down and help us come out the other side new, different –

– and better.

Hope you are safe during this madness. Let’s make the most of what will be the weirdest holiday season ever. Turn each day into its own miracle. And know that this desert will be traversed. Join our tribe if you haven’t already at www.makeagingwork.com and receive a free e-book “Achieving Your Full-life Potential.” And leave us your thoughts below.

 

Whew! Good News About Being 60!

My mom didn’t make it to 60. She gave it up to lymphoma at age 57. Dad had a heart attack two years later at 59 and made it to 80, enduring 21 years of extended chronic illness. My grandparents all checked out in their 60s and 70s.

I remember a Parade magazine article a couple of decades ago that claimed that averaging the ages of my parents and grandparents at their deaths would be a good predictor of my longevity. Seemed reasonable at the time.

Based on Parade’s highly scientific naivete, I’ve been dead for about 9 years.

Yeah, times have changed a bit.

But, to think that 60 could be something like a “launching pad” or a “new beginning” is still a stretch for many. As a populous, I sense we’re still encumbered with a 20th-century mindset that says 60 is a time to be thinking “landing” not “take-off” – or “off-ramp” not “on-ramp.”

I’m anything but prescient, or highly imaginative (I’m working on it!!). But at 60, I made the totally illogical decision to leave corporate cubicle nation and start over. Sort of a dimly lit off-ramp to “Oh, s***, what have I done?”

Would I do it again? Yeah!

Would I do it differently? Double  Triple yeah!

I’d do it with better preparation and a clearer definition of what I REALLY wanted to do as opposed to just getting the hell out of the confines and control of corporate life which was never right for me although I succumbed to 30+ years of it because it was what we were taught we should do. Plus I married a woman and had kids that liked to sleep inside and eat warm food!

Well, that pivot-at-60 turned out pretty good, although it has been an 18-year slog. I stumbled, bumbled, and toe-stubbed my way to discovering, in my 70s, what I should have been doing decades ago.  I’m now excited to get up every morning and continue stumbling, bumbling, and toe-stubbing but with a purpose and occasional positive impact.

Science says I’m a bit slow.

Turns out that my purpose discovery in my mid-70s says I was a bit slow at the switch. Scientists at U. of California, San Diego interviewed 1,042 people age 21 to 100 to determine the age at which purpose and meaning peak for we sapiens, on average.

Turns out (drum roll) – it’s age 60!

According to the study, published in Clinical Psychiatry and viewable at this link, “people tend to feel like their lives have meaning at around age 60.”

The study’s first author, Awais Aftab, a fellow at UC, San Diego states this about the study:

“Existing research points to a vital role played by factors such as a coherent sense of one’s identity, authentic relationships with friends and family members, engagement in long-term goals which provide a sense of accomplishment and contribute to the society, and acting with genuine altruism for the betterment of the world.”

There you have it – a scientifically confirmed formula for meaning.

But – there’s always a but—

It appears that we crescendo through our 40s and 50s into this feeling of purpose and meaning, hit a peak, and then the pursuit decreases for a while. After 60, people begin to search for meaning in life all over again.

That’s when retirement, bereavement, and health issues appear, the meaning at 60 may fade and a new search for a different type of meaning may start for some, hinting that the search for meaning in life changes along with you.

Three things, however, remain constant for staying physically and mentally fit through the lifespan: cultural engagement, hobbies, and exercise.

The study is a good reminder that “finding meaning in life has high payoff for physical and mental health.”

Sounds a bit like the drumbeat from this drummer for the last three years.

No, 60 is not the new 40. It’s the new 60. With the prospect of 30-40 years of runway left, hitting 60 isn’t a good time to be thinking landing.

Time for a new takeoff.