Three Words That Can Change Life At Any Age: Choice, Creativity, Courage

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Raise your hand if you have found life to flow smoothly, without unexpected twists or turns.

Crickets!

Anyone here been sailing along, everything under control – good work, good health, enough money, things good at home, lots of friends – and then suddenly something knocks you off that plateau.

If that hasn’t happened to you, chances are it will at some point.

I want to talk with you about a three-step process common to nearly all of us when this happens – and how it can work for or against us.


What I just described is a wake-up call – or what I will call a trigger.  A trigger is something that precipitates a change.  That trigger can be a conscious choice – or an external event that disrupts our comfortable status.  The game changes so we must adapt. We must make a choice.

That is me at age 60 when I was offered an “early retirement buy out” at Worldcom.  They wanted me out – and I wanted out because it was obvious the company was in trouble.

It was a trigger that forced one of the most significant life changes I’ve made.  I was faced with an external event that forced an internal choice.

That trigger took me to the next step in that process – limbo.  I was in limbo at that point.  Do I get another job?  Do I leave the industry?  Do I go on unemployment and sulk?  Do I start a business?

In my case, being thrown into limbo forced a positive decision that had been brewing in my mind for a long time.  I started my own business.

I want to stay on this limbo concept for a moment because it is so important.  The trigger pushes us into limbo – an “in between time”.  We may have ended one period of stability but, as we face forward, we may not be seeing another beginning.


That is where, as a career coach for people at midlife, I see people skid off the tracks because the limbo stage is where we are faced with “what’s next”.  Limbo is a critical juncture.  It can be debilitating, a form of resignation, a prison sentence that says “it has to be this way.” It can cause someone to keep living the old story and accept it as the new reality.

Tim is an example.  I remember spending an hour on the phone with him some months back – he was referred to me because he is 61, unemployed, and unable to break back into the job market as a software developer.

Tim was forced into limbo five years ago when his company re-organized and let him go after 15 years. That trigger sent Tim into a limbo that he can’t seem to get out of. His work life since then has been a series of contract position doing less than he is qualified to do at 60-70% of the income level he had five years ago – and with no benefits.

Right now, he is back in limbo, finding it difficult to even secure a contract job because skill-level requirements may have passed him by.

My hour with him was similar to those I’ve had with others in this situation. Tim has discovered that his inattention to the rapid changes in software development has left him underqualified and unprepared for a return to what he used to be best at. He is nearing the end of his unemployment, living off of a trust his wife has, and even admitted to me that the daily cocktail hour is the best part of his day.


Inner kill

Tim could be succumbing to the worst-case scenario of being in limbo –inner kill – or dying without knowing it. The third element.

Inner kills starts when we stop growing, when we give up on ourselves, or when we take the easy, safe way.

Inner kill has recognizable symptoms:  avoiding decisions; daydreaming about early retirement; constant talk about intentions without doing anything; not sleeping at night; irritability as the default personality trait, repeating the same topics over and over again; frequent visits to the liquor store seeking a stronger alcohol prescription.

On the other hand, limbo can be a time for a deeper, game-changing conversation with ourselves.  We accept the limbo, work with it, and get fully engaged with the challenge that limbo presents.

That brings us back around to the three words I had you write down.  The way through limbo and away from inner kill is this simple success triumvirate.  You have a choice – move forward and grow or die without knowing it.

You have creativity within you – you didn’t get to where you are by accident. Resurrect that creativity and look at the limbo as a transition to a higher level.

And be courageous because you will need to be.

Resistance and self doubt will still be  your partner – courage is the antidote.

Choice – creativity – courage.  Three easy-to-remember C’s that can change your life for the better.

Within us at any age.

 

The Truth About Diets – They Are As Sensible As Lottery Tickets!

Raise your hand if you know someone who has gone on a diet at some point in their life (Yes, you can include yourself – I won’t tell anybody).

Hmmm! Most everybody. Thanks for participating.

Now, leave your hand up if that/those individual(s) stayed with it and adopted a change in their way of life.

Go ahead – I’ll wait.

Yo! Where did everybody go?


$71 billion a year spent on diets –

– and growing.

Yep, you read that right. That’s about the same as we spend on pets and lottery tickets, equally questionable outlays (Please, don’t turn me into the SPCA – I love dogs and have had several. I also love that I don’t have one at this stage of my life.)

That diet number is easy to understand since, as a population, we are doing a marvelous job of carrying around major excess weight.

According to this article/video by CNBC, 45 million Americans go on weight loss programs every year. The article states:

“If you’ve told yourself, ‘this is the year I’m going to lose the weight,’ you’re not alone. Each year 45 million people in the United States go on weight loss programs and there’s no shortage of options— from tailored meal plans like Slim Fast and Nutrisystem to high fat, no carb, gluten-free models like Keto and Paleo. Diet and weight loss have grown to be a $71 billion industry, yet according to studies— 95% of diets fail. Here’s how the diet industry grew to be a multi billion-dollar machine.”

Consider this: the average American woman today weighs the same as the average American male in 1960 and the average American male today is 32 pounds heavier than in 1960 – and neither gender has gotten any taller.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, and by the way – genetics don’t change across a 60 year span. Just sayin’.

How many of those 45 million do you suppose are “repeat customers?”

I don’t have stats, but am comfortable in saying it’s a big percentage. Moving on to the next “fad” diet until they find something that sticks. Except, it doesn’t stick.

We’re suckers for the “new” and the diet industry knows it.

WebMD weighs in with this article about the diet scams. It’s an article that could be written every year with a new set of scams.


Once again, the Greeks had it right.

I was reminded this morning in a LinkedIn post by Dan Go, a very unselfish personal trainer who posts a lot of solid, simple tips for healthy living, that the word diet is derived from the Greek work “diaita” which means: way of living, way of life, mode of life, lifestyle.”

In our haste and enculturated desire for immediate or short-term results, we’ve distorted the true meaning of the word into becoming an outcome, an event, a project, or a means to an end. Old habits creep back in, the industry thrives, the repeat customers repeat, and lifestyles don’t change.

It’s a gloriously profitable business to be in, largely unregulated and loaded with clever marketers and profiteers.


When will we ever learn?

Unfortunately, it usually takes a calamity to affect a sustained lifestyle change. And sometimes even a calamity isn’t enough. I’m reminded that a sibling continued to smoke for years after being diagnosed with advanced COPD.

One could argue that America is creeping up on a calamity in terms of our general population health. Chip Conley, in one of his daily newsletters this week, unveiled a new study showing the longevity freefall that we are experiencing in American compared to other developed countries:

Conley points out that we –

“- see how one of the wealthiest countries in the world (and the one that spends the most per capita on health care costs) has a full-blown system failure with longevity in freefall, and all at a time when the rest of the world is seeing a post-pandemic recovery.”

I understand – there’s a lot to that downturn. We don’t have universal health care where the other countries do; we have more guns and gun deaths than any country; we have more opioid deaths than any other country; we own more cars, drive more, and die more in traffic that other countries. But the consequences of poor diet still remain the largest cause of premature death in the U.S.

We know something is wrong when we spend $70 billion a year on diets. Yet, we can’t seem to convert that investment into a lifestyle change.


Confession – I’m your poster boy!

At least, sorta.

My bride and I are pretty disciplined about eating the right things.

I’ve stuck to a 16:8 intermittent fast plan religiously for several years now. I exercise seven days a week, three of those 2 1/2 hours of aggressive strength training combined with aerobic.

Yet, my weight creeped up a couple of pounds last quarter. My BMI at 5′ 11″ and 190 pounds (26+) puts me in the overweight category. It’s largely a useless number since it doesn’t distinguish visceral fat (the bad kind) from non-visceral fat. Fortunately, my visceral fat level is in a lower, safer range.

But it also went up a tick last quarter despite increased exercise.

Believe me, I have no business weighting 190 pounds. Just ask my knees and feet!

So I guess I need a diet!

Nope. I need a lifestyle change.

You see, I have a condition and a habit problem.

My condition is an underactive thyroid (hypothyroidism). Weight gain is a symptom of hypothyroidism – easy to put on, hard to take off.

The bigger problem is a habit – one called portion control. 

I easily eat 25-30% more than I need for someone my age and size. If I didn’t have the exercise regimen to offset this affliction, well, you can do the math.

Nothing wrong with the composition of the diet, with exception of a tad too much starch.

The problem is all between my temples.


A weight-loss lifestyle change – not a diet.

I’m committing – publicly – to dropping 15 pounds over the next 90 days. My feet and left knee are demanding it.

Solution: one-third less on the plate, fork down after every bite, reduce the starch, and, perhaps, add one full day of fast to the 16:8.

Seem pretty simple, right? We’ll see.

I thought about giving it a name and going public with it for a mere $399. I could find a few suckers out there, don’t ya think?

But I’ve got enough hypocrisy going to stoop to that.


Thanks for reading. Any thoughts? Leave them here with a comment.

Can We “Unteach” Traditional Retirement? Maybe We Should.

Image by CoxinhaFotos from Pixabay

Quiz for you: Name two major industries that are ripe for disruption but remain rigidly unassailable.

If you guessed education and healthcare, you are spot on.

Both are yellow brick roads to rising costs and decreased value. Both are heavyweight political playgrounds where the needle just doesn’t get moved.

In his book “The Practice”, Seth Godin riffs on education, saying:

“– we’ve built an industrial solution to teaching in bulk” and “seduced ourselves into believing that the only thing that can be taught are easily measured hard skills. We shouldn’t be buying this.”

Seth’s point is that we can teach people to overcome fear, innovate, express our uniqueness but our entrenched system unteaches bravery, creativity, initiative.


Take healthcare.

I’ve written before about how ineffective our U.S. healthcare system is. 

It occurred to me, as I pondered Seth’s comments about education, that our healthcare system unteaches good health. As the general health of our population continue to cascade downward, where is the proactive teaching that will reverse the cascade?

Let’s not hold our breath that it will come from a system that is currently shoveling truckloads of money out the door as they struggle to prop up a system built on a broken model.

I doubt that any of the efforts to right the healthcare ship will change the fundamental “drug it or cut it out” foundation of the system.

We unteach preventive healthcare by only offering cure. Doesn’t it seem reasonable to unteach cure by teaching prevention? 

We’ve been taught that healthcare is a $35 copay experience available when thing skid off the tracks. The monoliths and the providers within them are not schooled to help us unlearn bad habits and take possession of our birthright of good health.

We shouldn’t be buying this either.


Is there a third?

I believe there is a third entrenched concept that is subject to, and deserving of disruption and unlearning. I won’t win any popularity contests amongst my cohort by saying it, but here it is – – –

Traditional retirement

I’m talking about the off-the-cliff, labor-to-leisure, vocation-to-vacation retirement. The total-rejection-of-work type of retirement. The park bench, beach, bingo, bridge, backgammon, and bocce ball type of retirement.

The one that continues to invade and entrench our psyche with the questionable theory that work is best avoided and that leisure is healthy.

The one that has enriched the financial services industry for a half-century while our population continues to stack more years of chronic illness onto the the post-career phase of life.


How do we “unlearn” retirement.

Start by accepting the fact that retirement- –

  1. — is an unnatural act that doesn’t exist in nature and didn’t exist anywhere on the planet 150 years ago.
  2. — was conceived by politicians, business owners, and unions for business and political purposes and not humanitarian.
  3. — doesn’t exist in many cultures, some of which demonstrate the healthiest and longest living populations.
  4. — goes against our basic biology which offers us only two choices – growth or decay.
  5. — encourages people to abandon one of the key components of longevity – purposeful work.
  6. — warehouses or puts out to pasture one of society’s most needed resources – wisdom.

The GenXers and Millennials are starting to figure it out.

They’ve witnessed the generations ahead of them burn themselves out trying to abide by the 20th-century linear life model:  Earn – Learn  – Adjourn – Die. 

They see plainly the futility of expecting to be able to support 30 years of doing little or nothing with 40 years of working and saving.

The average savings by generation tells it all:

Total household retirement savings among all workers is $93,000 (estimated median). Baby Boomer workers have the most retirement savings at $202,000, compared with Generation X ($107,000), Millennials ($68,000), and Generation Z ($26,000) (estimated medians). (Source: Medium article by Rocco Pendola, Never Retire)
Savvy Millennials and younger GenXers are beginning to favor a “Never Retire” model and mindset. They are unlearning retirement. They are building their lives around a more balanced and experiential lifestyle with an eye toward expecting to work doing what they are good at and enjoy doing well into their later years – perhaps even to the end.
It’s a mindset that espouses less accumulation, lower overhead and cost of living, more investment in health and wellness, focus on healthspan instead of lifespan, experiential leisure, and owning their dreams with retirement nowhere in the formula.

Can we get our egos out of the way?

I know it’s difficult for hard-headed modern elders like you and me to accept advice from someone two generations back. I’m still dealing with having my 48-year-old daughter show me how to dead lift at Lifetime Fitness last week.

But, given the times and conditions, I believe they are onto something that we need and that will stick.

And I believe the financial planning industry will finally be forced to change their approach to planning with an increased focus on healthspan-oriented lifestyle design and less emphasis on work abandonment.

I sat through a webinar last week presented by ROL Advisors featuring a young financial planner, Jake Northrup, that I believe is a model for how financial planning is beginning to transform. This is not a commercial for Jake, but you can check him out at https://experienceyourwealth.com/


What are your thoughts?

Should we “unlearn” our education and healthcare systems and traditional retirement?  What else should we maybe be unlearning?  We’d love your feedback – leave a comment.