What do you think about old people?

I like myself.

Since I’m 2 weeks short of 80, I am, by our distorted, number-fixated cultural standards, officially really old.

With the average lifespan for the American male currently at 78.79 (2019) and declining, I’m late for my funeral.

I’ve liked myself best through my late-60s and 70s.

On that score, I may be a bit of an outlier, from what I can observe.

I’m working to avoid being what most people don’t like about “really old people.” My mission is to avoid becoming the grumpy, immobile, stooped over, smelly ol’ fart I swore I’d never become.

(This is not a self-portrait!!!!!)

So far so good. Admittedly, some parts of the smelly thing are not totally in my control (see this popular article).

But, the rest? Those are choices I can make to break from the pack of what most people generally don’t like about old people.

I’m not stooped. I work out 6–7 days a week, aerobically and weight-lifting. I can hold my own with many 30 years my junior. My vertical is still good.

Grumpy? Well, occasionally, when I waste a day not living up to my potential and only with an incredibly tolerant wife of 51 years who mostly ignores or laughs it off and moves on.

I’m not inclined to spend most of my time hanging out with my age cohort. (See this article).

Assembling with my age cohort can be uncomfortable as too often the conversations become “organ recitals” talking about the aches, pains, past and pending surgeries, friends with developing dementia, the sad state of a world that refuses to go back to the norms of the 1950s, etc., etc.

It can get pretty boring and deflating. And a chirpy, opinionated iconoclast like myself can put a quick damper on a sagging dinner conversation since that space between the temples of most 70-year-olds can resemble concrete and isn’t all that malleable.

But, I chirp on hoping that maybe one thought about how to live a longer, healthier life might stick. I’ve resigned to the realization that I have no obligation to change anybody’s life – I’m only obligated to try.

And try, I do – but this cohort is a tough crowd!

So, I try to balance my hanging with my cohort with hanging with younger people – GenXers and Millennials. I’m anxious to learn from them and found, surprisingly, they are receptive to a touch of “geezer wisdom.”

We geezers-in-progress condemn/criticize these “youngsters” at our own peril.

Growing old is inevitable and unavoidable. Getting old is optional.

Bottom line is, how we get old is largely under our control. We choose how we “get” old through our attitudes and lifestyles.

We are all growing old and will die.

Or as Dr. Walter Bortz, retired Stanford geriatric physician and author once stated:

“Life is a fatal disease. Once contracted there is no known cure.”

We all have some control over the pace and total control over how we view it.

We all know 50 year-olds going on 80 and 80-year-olds going on 50. The difference is largely choices and mindset.

I love the latter and don’t do well with the former.

How about you?

Jeffrey McCabe says:

March 15, 2022 at 3:12 pm

Dear Gary, Your letter this time around really hit home, it was beautiful, it was moving, it was just the thing which ALL of us need to hear. You are in the thick of it (I am too, actually) yet you refuse to buckle, that is the main thing. You refuse to relent, that is the big thing. As you yourself once said, DON’T act your age. You are 80 going on 50, more power to you.

John Houde says:

March 15, 2022 at 5:17 pm

Thanks Gary, your letter took me through a gamut of thoughts and emotions. I have many of the same feelings as you do. My greatest difficulty is taking care of my 90-year-old parents. Both are highly active; my dad still works in his garage fixing everything he can get his hands on. The problem is that people of that generation are farcically independent and hate anyone helping them. And like you I find being around him very depressing. I’m 66 and he is knocking years off me as I tend to his needs, fighting all the way. The longevity of many people is ruining the lives of many younger than them. I took care of my mother-in-law, am caring for my wife, mother, father and soon several others on the list. I’m losing my life along the way. I have the financial resources and excellent health to do many things, but I’ve got “Old People Chains” around my feet. So, one comment I would make is being healthy is especially important and being unhealthy is often stealing the life of another. It wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t so incredibly stubborn. Yea I’m resentful. You’re the coach. What would you do? There is no other person to help. Everything they buy is purchased at the Dollar store because buying good stuff is foolish; “If you are going to die next month”. Caretaker abuse is worse than elder abuse by a wide margin and it affects dozens of people for every case of elder abuse. It breaks up many more families than you would know. So, if someone is helping you out at least let them do the job and get out of the way. Thanks for letting me vent.