Aging: When You Have More to Give and Less to Lose.
Dear reader, if you’ve been hanging with me for a while, you know I’m in total denial.
Yep, still deluding myself into thinking that living to 112 1/2 years makes sense.
As my chronology has moved into my 9th decade, some of my physiology doesn’t seem to have signed on for the trip. Or, at least it’s hinting that it’s gonna be a tough trip.
As you read this, I’m sitting in a recliner coming down from a Bier Block anesthesia of my left arm so a hand surgeon could remove the joint at the base of my thumb and somehow jury rig it so that in 12 weeks I can start playing guitar again and in 4 months grip a golf club again.
You can tell I’m thrilled.
Apparently, it’s a common procedure for my age cohort. Things do wear out.
Ever try functioning with only one thumb? Some things won’t be going that well for the next few months.
The thumb isn’t alone!
In the meantime, some other parts are sending off signals that they may not be signing on for the cruise to super-centenarianism.
Left shoulder, left hip, left foot, left wrist. Don’t ask me to explain – maybe it’s because I voted for Trump (regretfully).
Regardless, the last couple of months have, more than any other time, reminded me that being an older person trying to impersonate a younger person isn’t fooling anybody, least of all my body parts.
Oh, I’m not abandoning denial. I find a strange comfort there. I’ll keep thinking about staying young and not growing old. And I’ll keep the repair thing going until the universe decides it’s time to take all those well-worn and recycled parts back.
Part of the fuel for the denial is the perhaps delusional feeling that what I do – and intend to do until the universe makes that call – brings value to somebody, somewhere, somehow.
Taking the sting out of old age.
Eric Weiner is an author and self-described “Philosophical Traveler and Recovering Malcontent” who writes on Medium.com. A few things in one of his recent posts (see it here) made me stop and think. For one:
“Old age is not a disease. It is not a pathology. It is not abnormal. It is not a problem. Old age is a continuum, and everyone is on it. We’re all aging all the time. You are aging right now as you read these words — and not any faster or slower than an infant or a grandfather.
As our future shrinks, other futures grow. Our unfinished business will be finished by others. This thought, perhaps more than any other, takes the sting out of old age.”
People like Mr. Weiner, with their apparent intellect and deep, critical thinking, tend to send me hurtling into that nomadic desert wandering in circles in what is my ADHD-infested mind.
I found myself thinking of how little what I do means much, in the general scope of eternity and life on this mudball.
That kinda stings.
Until I thought about what Weiner says about unfinished business being finished by others. As my future shrinks, other futures grow – and my business may be carried forward by others.
That sets a new bar for me.
Get on it, bucko – and stop wasting time!! Somebody will pick up the pieces. Just go break some things.
Somehow, I tied his thought to retirement (see desert reference above).
Surprise, surprise! Since I seem to have this thing about what this unnatural, illogical concept has become in our lives.
It struck me how so many traditional retirees end up in a swamp made up of boredom, irrelevance, isolation, and declining health. It occurred to me that retirement does become sort of the “ultimate casualty” for many as they stop the business of doing business that can be finished by others.
Doesn’t full-stop retirement stop that train of building on something bigger than oneself? Something that can be carried on?
Doesn’t self-indulgent consumerism keep us from having a chance to fulfill why we are placed on this planet?
I’m reminded of a speech that distinguished educator and author Dr. Mortimer Adler delivered to an insurance Million Dollar Roundtable of the National Association of Underwriters on the Queen Mary in 1962 (bolding is mine):
“The retirement age is coming down from 70, to 65, to 60 and may, in the course of the next 25 years, go below that.
But the dream come true is a nightmare.
For retirement, conceived as a protracted vacation, is a form of prolonged suicide. It marks the first formal stage on the road to oblivion.
Consider the loss to society and deprivation of the individual involved when a man in the real prime of life, the mental, moral, and spiritual prime, is turned out to pasture at the decree of the calendar – someone who has the most creative and most socially useful part of his labor still in him.
Here is greatness wasted on the putting greens of Long Beach or the green benches of St. Petersburg.
What is the solution, or is there a solution?
Just – work. Work, not to insure your retirement, but to prevent it! You will benefit greatly from any kind of work which is a challenge to that part of you which continues growing.
It is finally time to distill wisdom from experience and to give of that wisdom.”
The protagonist in Weiner’s article is a French woman, Simone de Beauvoir, the French novelist, philosopher, and feminist hero. She once said:
“There is only one solution if old age is not to be an absurd parody of our former life and that is to go on pursuing ends that give our existence meaning — devotion to individuals, to groups or to causes, social, political, intellectual or creative work.”
Let’s trade in the 20th-century relic that we’ve succumbed to –
Learn – Earn – Retire – Die
for –
Learn – Earn – Return
Any thoughts on this? We’d love your feedback. Drop us an email at gary@makeagingwork.com or leave a comment below.
Dear Gary, I think this is one of your best posts ever – it’s reflective on death and purpose, realistic in view of age-related bodily aging yet also inspiring and hopeful. As a 60-plusser voluntary moving into phased-in retirement from academia (but for the sake of pursuing my own, independent research), my athletic ambitions are also (more) often thwarted by more frequent injuries, but that just means taking it a bit easier (i.e. stopping more often to smell the roses), more cross-training, and would-you-know-it finally picking up yoga again. Keep up the good work and keep inspiring us!
Dear Gary, this post definitely has a different vibe to some others of yours that I have read. I will be 65 next month and planning to be a retiree – doing different things – that make a contribution to family and community. Your work is worthwhile, because people who are going through different stages of life need encouragement, ideas and direction, even when they have a plan/map. I appreciate the work that you do and also wish you a speedy recovery.
Hi Garry
I just wanted to say how much inspiration, meaning and positivity I get from your posts.iin a world of takers you are definitely a giver and it is greatly appreciated. Here’s to your long life! Take care. Jeff
Dear Garry, I’ll be 77 in two months and this post came at a real inflection point for me. THANK YOU SO MUCH. You said very well what I needed to hear to keep going. It’s a choice. Every day. Your posts are helping me make it. Every good wish for your continued contributions to the work of progress for all of us!
Hi Gary – so interesting to see how popular this post is. I have three things to say in reply: (i) while your body may be showing your age, you mind is not – such youth and energy in your posts (ii) – your comment “I found myself thinking of how little what I do means much” – felt that I had to reply and say – what you do DOES matter – I so look forward to these newsletters from you. I think that, if each day we touch on the lives of someone – however small – whether friend or stranger – then that day was worth living (iii) in the immortal words of the fab Freddie Mercury ‘who wants to live forever ? ‘ – Death and taxes – the only two certainties in life!
Keep up the good work and thank you for your continued contributions.
Gary thank you again for another wonderful insightful thought provoking story. By chance I chose the best career for this point in my life. Just so happens I I didn’t plan on being educator at least specializing with young adults and adults but with everything going on my skills are in serious demand. Because of my education as a high school and adult educator I survived serious economic challenges and although I won’t make a ton of money I’ll be comfortable knowing my experience, wisdom and spirit will live on. I have nothing to lose like you said well into my next stages of life my work and my life will be one of positive contribution to humanity.
Learn – Earn – Return … repeat
I love this loop. While the Earn part has certainly declined, the Learn part is soaring.
Thank you for your wisdom!
I was just introduced to your work via Paul Long’s podcast – “New Way Forward.” I love the way you think and share such fun and inspiring thoughts about aging. I can relate as a 78 year old executive coach. I’m going to pay back to others by sharing your work with those I do my best to inspire as well.