How Come Some Older People Don’t Want To Live That Long?
It’s easy to understand why one would want life to be over if they are in constant pain, lonely/isolated, and are merely drawing breath, using up oxygen, and taking up space. It has to be a terrible feeling to want your body to give out when it continues to hang in.
I watched helplessly as both my dad and uncle experienced a grueling and extended period of morbidity with smoking-induced emphysema before their bodies finally, and mercifully, gave up.
It was a lonely, fearful existence.
What I do find interesting, however, is why people who are in good health say they don’t want to live that long.
In my mid-sixties, I began to profess that I intended to live to 100 (I’ve since revised that to 112 1/2). Everyone I shared that with was repulsed by the thought and said I was nuts.
That largely remains the case, with some softening, perhaps because of some increased awareness of the possibility – or just simply out of pity.
Despite so much evidence today of people living into their 90s and beyond with high levels of vitality, activity, and positive contribution to society, we still remain fearful of later life.
Two fears.
Research has shown that the two greatest fears as we age are:
- Outliving our money
- Losing our independence i.e. becoming frail
Simply put, we don’t want to happen to us what we have seen happen to others as they have aged poorly. Plus, we cling to and suffer under strong negative cultural beliefs about aging.
The extensive research that has been done on the lives of centenarians and super-centenarians reveals a different attitude toward aging and the trials that accompany it.
Click this link to an article by neuropsychologist and author Dr. Mario Martinez entitled “How To Live to 100 and Beyond: The 4 Core Traits That All of the World’s Longest Lived People Have in Common”.
Dr. Martinez studied the habits and mindsets of the world’s longest-living people globally. Embedded in his research are clues to what we can all do to live a longer life by simply changing our attitudes, mindsets, and cultural beliefs.
I hadn’t discovered Dr. Martinez when I began professing my goal of living to 100. I had, however, been influenced by the work of semi-retired Stanford geriatric physician, Dr. Walter Bortz, when I read his book “Dare To Be 100”.
His message is simply that there is no biological reason, aside from the very infrequent “blueprint errors” or genetic defects, for any of us not to live to 100 or beyond. He also points to the importance of mindset and habits.
He uses the acronym DARE to represent four keys to reaching 100:
- D – diet
- A – attitude
- R – rejuvenation/renewal
- E – exercise
Of the four, he emphasizes that “A-attitude” is the most important and the most difficult.
That is consistent with what Dr. Martinez found as he studied centenarians. Their trip to 100 has, at its foundation, a “defiance of disempowering cultural beliefs” that lay so much negative on us about the rigors and struggles of aging.
Dr. Martinez says this about the centenarian mindset:
“Resilience, perseverance, creativity, and flexibility are all attributes I have found in every healthy centenarian I have studied, in cultures spanning five continents.”
So I think it’s safe to say that the antidote to “not wanting to live that long” starts between the temples with an attitude shift and a mindset change that moves us, in Dr. Martinez’s words,
“-from one of passing time to one of engaging space. We need to snap out of our hypnotic concept of time in which things happen to us in sequence, and instead be mindful of how we can happen in our space without assigning a sequence”.
Yes, I expect to continue to be called “nutty or a fool” for my goal of living to 112.5. But I now realize that this reaction is just as described – it’s rooted in a deeply entrenched cultural belief that aging, early senescence, pain, and loneliness are all inextricably linked.
Will I get to 112.5? Chances are pretty slim because the first 50 of my 80 years included some marginal lifestyle habits (smoking, standard American diet, limited exercise) that will reduce my chances. But it’s certain I won’t get there – or even come close – if I don’t set the goal and adopt the mindset of a centenarian.
What if –
– you combine a centenarian mindset with a reason to get up in the morning i.e. a sense of purpose? Do you think your perspective on getting old might change?
Works for me!
Try it, if you haven’t.
Does your mindset line up with that of a centenarian? Have cultural beliefs influenced your attitude toward aging? Does the thought of hitting the century mark resonate or repulse? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic. Leave a comment below or drop me an email to gary@makeagingwork.com
HI Gary – just a note to say a big THANK YOU for all your weekly newsletters. I am not sure how I came across you – some internet algorithm no doubt, when I was researching ‘third age’ careers. I always look forward to your newsletters and have them with a nice cup of tea as I start my day’s work. You have a wonderful balance of insight and humor. And you sure have read a lot of books! As someone just about to start my sixities, it great to see a view from a little ‘further down the road’. So thank you for the time and effort you put into sharing your wisdom. As someone who occasionally posts a blog, I know how time consuming and difficult this can be!
Thanks for all those kind words, Susan. I don’t know how you found my blog but sure glad you did – and happy that you find value in my scribblings. I made a big life pivot at 60 and have found the time since both the most challenging and most exciting and exhilarating. Hope it folds out that way for you as well.
Personally, I wouldn’t like to live to that age as it would be too painful to watch all my siblings, children and possibly grand children pass on before me. That’s my 2 cents worth
Thanks for your input, Danny. All that you described would be painful. One of the insights from the study of centenarians is their resilience, with many of them experiencing losses of relatives and finding a way to work through it.
I would not like upto that age due to first of all patience to continue with frail body secondly the cost of living keep on increasing and with negligible paying work it becomes costly thirdly the people known to you, friends and dear ones keep on decaling.
Thanks for your insight, Ajay.
Interesting article. I would just add that you can reduce the risks associated with aging, but there are no guarantees. You can do everything right and still get cancer, arthritis or dementia. You can do a lot of things wrong and sail through. Certain conditions are hereditary and luck plays a part.
I wrote an article about that https://medium.com/@goodwincathy/another-form-of-ageism-anyone-could-do-this-664228e5438c?sk=7089f8483e79e4e206ddccf6c84d4ce6
Thanks for subscribing and commenting Catharine. I’ve been enjoying your articles on Medium. This one makes great points. I have no illusion that all my diet and exercise discipline guarantees anything (other than a desire for a nap!!). As you are, I’m just playing the odds and trying to keep them in my favor fully aware that today is all I’ve got.
Please stay in touch – I appreciate your feedback.