When I made my final corporate relocation and moved to Denver in 1979, I ensconced our family in a house at the top of an 11-house cul-de-sac where we remained for 21 years. It was a tight little community with, at one point, 23 kids under the age of 11.
You can visualize what a summer evening was like on that cul-de-sac. Active. Noisy. Kids creating on the fly. Jockeying for alpha positions. Forming and dissolving close bonds.
All in one evening.
We liked the cul-de-sac because it was:
- Safe
- Secure
- No through traffic
- Quiet
- Comfortable
Kinda reminds you of what retired life is supposed to be like, right? At least, the way the concept has historically been dished out by the financial services community.
I can’t attest to all that personally since I’ve chosen to avoid retirement. But, it appears to be true for most.
Until it isn’t.
Safe, secure, quiet, and comfortable worked several decades ago when retired life lasted five years if you were lucky. With extended lifespans adding 25-40 years to our lives, there are downsides to that combination
There is sort of a trojan-horse-like quality to buying into a “cul-de-sac retirement.”
The following may seem a little strange but remember it’s coming from a scattered brain. So, hang with me for a few paragraphs.
This past week, I had a Seth Godin moment. Seth is one of my favorite personal development authors. He’s a phenomenally successful, esoteric, iconoclastic, irreverent, creative author – all the things I’d like to be when I grow up.
I pulled his copy of “The Dip: A Little Book That Teaches You When to Quit (And When to Stick)” off my “A” bookshelf and read it for the third time (two-hour read).
Godin led me to the real definition and a more appropriate application of the cul-de-sac to second-half or third-age living.
First, Godin reminds us that cul-de-sac is a French word with a variety of meanings:
- “dead end, blind alley, impasse, enclosure, trap, cavity.”
- “a route or course leading nowhere.”
Secondly, he emphasizes the importance of the “dips” we experience throughout life and introduces the importance of “strategic quitting” as a key to maximizing a journey to success, be it in a career or life.
Retirement and Dip?? Where is this going?
Maybe a Godin quote from the book will help:
“Almost everything in life worth doing is controlled by the Dip. At the beginning, when you first start something, it’s fun. You could be taking up golf or acupuncture or piloting a plane or doing chemistry (or retirement? my note) – doesn’t matter; it’s interesting, and you get plenty of good feedback from the people around you. Over the next few day and weeks (and years? my note), the rapid learning keeps you going. Whatever your new thing is, it’s easy to stay engaged with it.
And then the Dip happens.
The Dip is the long slog between starting and mastery. A long slog that’s actually a shortcut, because it gets you where you want to go faster than any other path.”
From his book, Godin portrays it like this:
Then Godin injects the concept of cul-de-sac using the French definition “dead end,” applying it mostly to a work situation as – –
“– where you work and you work and you work and nothing much changes. It doesn’t get a lot better, it doesn’t get a lot worse. It just is.”
That’s when it hit me. He’s describing what can happen to us as we enter into the “obligatory, entitled” phase of life called retirement. It’s a comfortable, safe, quiet “dip” that is easy to extend for a long time – too long, in my opinion. I side with Godin’s position on the Dip:
“There’s not a lot to say about the Cul-de-Sac except to realize that it exists and to embrace the fact that when you find one, you need to get off it. That’s because a dead end is keeping you from doing something else. The opportunity cost of investing your life in something that’s not going to get better is just too high.”
The euphoria, new freedom, independence, comfort, the quietness of retirement is a very alluring “Dip.” One that is easy to extend through those early retirement years where physical and cognitive skills are still very much alive and keen.
What’s not to like, right?
That’s the “trojan horse” part. Staying in the Dip of safe, comfortable, quiet retirement fails to acknowledge its fundamental violation of our very anatomy and biology. We are offered only two choices by our biology, regardless of age or stage:
Grow or decay.
Stay in the Dip of self-indulgent, leisure-based retirement for too long and guess what side of the biological ledger we end up on.
Decay. Physical and cognitive decay.
Maybe the fact that the average American still only makes it to 80 but with over 10 years of that in ill-health adds some credibility to my argument, which is:
Get out of the cul-de-sac within 2-3 years of your retirement start date!
Over the last few years, I’ve engaged a lot of healthcare executives who are at or close to that retirement phase and wrestling with the big question “What’s next?” These folks are accustomed to a work-life that operates at 110 mph. They are fearful of the prospect of going from that pace to zero.
It turns out that Seth and I seem to be on the same page with my advice for these high achievers. I suggest they take a year or two and indulge themselves in this new freedom and independence (the DIP) while encouraging them to not get too used to it. Rather, use it also as a time to reflect and explore. Godin would call it “leaning into the dip” and using it to figure out what they want the rest of their life to look like.
With a potential post-career runway of 25-40 years, getting stuck in the dip is a great waste and a loss to our society.
It’s called “strategic quitting” – quitting the comfortable, dangerous “dip” with an eye toward a legacy, or leaving a footprint, and not joining the masses who are “living too short and dying too long” with no sense of purpose and limited meaning in their lives.
I’ll wrap by borrowing the words of Monsignor Charles Fahey, Founding Director of Fordham’s Third Age Center:
“People in the third age should be the glue of a society, not its ashes.”
Thanks for hanging in to the end. Please leave a comment – your insights are very valuable. Also, if you haven’t joined our email list to receive this weekly diatribe, trip on over to www.makeagingwork.com and join us – and tell your friends.
Have a safe and happy holiday!!
Let’s Give This Loser the Boot!
It’s gotta be better!
It’s gonna be better!
Time to move on and give this loser of a year the boot!
I had a rough morning thinking about what didn’t happen this year that I wanted to happen.
Some highlights, a lot of lowlights.
But, there was one big highlight:
YOU!
I pushed out 51 articles in the 52 weeks. And you stuck around.
A flattering percentage of you actually read the articles – and many offered encouraging feedback.
With this last post for 2020, let me share links to the three most popular articles in 2020. You voted with the most “opens” and “clicks” for these articles.
Three things a person should avoid once they are past 70 years old. P.S. I’m on the list
Five Critical Steps to Thriving Within Your Longevity Bonus
Whew! Good News About Being 60!
Thanks for being a loyal reader and for your encouragement. I look forward to trying to bring something of value to you with each article. You can help by letting me know what topics or type of information you would like to know more about.
Happy New Year!
WARNING! Your Retirement May Be a Cul-De-Sac
When I made my final corporate relocation and moved to Denver in 1979, I ensconced our family in a house at the top of an 11-house cul-de-sac where we remained for 21 years. It was a tight little community with, at one point, 23 kids under the age of 11.
You can visualize what a summer evening was like on that cul-de-sac. Active. Noisy. Kids creating on the fly. Jockeying for alpha positions. Forming and dissolving close bonds.
All in one evening.
We liked the cul-de-sac because it was:
Kinda reminds you of what retired life is supposed to be like, right? At least, the way the concept has historically been dished out by the financial services community.
I can’t attest to all that personally since I’ve chosen to avoid retirement. But, it appears to be true for most.
Until it isn’t.
Safe, secure, quiet, and comfortable worked several decades ago when retired life lasted five years if you were lucky. With extended lifespans adding 25-40 years to our lives, there are downsides to that combination
There is sort of a trojan-horse-like quality to buying into a “cul-de-sac retirement.”
The following may seem a little strange but remember it’s coming from a scattered brain. So, hang with me for a few paragraphs.
This past week, I had a Seth Godin moment. Seth is one of my favorite personal development authors. He’s a phenomenally successful, esoteric, iconoclastic, irreverent, creative author – all the things I’d like to be when I grow up.
I pulled his copy of “The Dip: A Little Book That Teaches You When to Quit (And When to Stick)” off my “A” bookshelf and read it for the third time (two-hour read).
Godin led me to the real definition and a more appropriate application of the cul-de-sac to second-half or third-age living.
First, Godin reminds us that cul-de-sac is a French word with a variety of meanings:
Secondly, he emphasizes the importance of the “dips” we experience throughout life and introduces the importance of “strategic quitting” as a key to maximizing a journey to success, be it in a career or life.
Retirement and Dip?? Where is this going?
Maybe a Godin quote from the book will help:
From his book, Godin portrays it like this:
Then Godin injects the concept of cul-de-sac using the French definition “dead end,” applying it mostly to a work situation as – –
That’s when it hit me. He’s describing what can happen to us as we enter into the “obligatory, entitled” phase of life called retirement. It’s a comfortable, safe, quiet “dip” that is easy to extend for a long time – too long, in my opinion. I side with Godin’s position on the Dip:
The euphoria, new freedom, independence, comfort, the quietness of retirement is a very alluring “Dip.” One that is easy to extend through those early retirement years where physical and cognitive skills are still very much alive and keen.
What’s not to like, right?
That’s the “trojan horse” part. Staying in the Dip of safe, comfortable, quiet retirement fails to acknowledge its fundamental violation of our very anatomy and biology. We are offered only two choices by our biology, regardless of age or stage:
Grow or decay.
Stay in the Dip of self-indulgent, leisure-based retirement for too long and guess what side of the biological ledger we end up on.
Decay. Physical and cognitive decay.
Maybe the fact that the average American still only makes it to 80 but with over 10 years of that in ill-health adds some credibility to my argument, which is:
Get out of the cul-de-sac within 2-3 years of your retirement start date!
Over the last few years, I’ve engaged a lot of healthcare executives who are at or close to that retirement phase and wrestling with the big question “What’s next?” These folks are accustomed to a work-life that operates at 110 mph. They are fearful of the prospect of going from that pace to zero.
It turns out that Seth and I seem to be on the same page with my advice for these high achievers. I suggest they take a year or two and indulge themselves in this new freedom and independence (the DIP) while encouraging them to not get too used to it. Rather, use it also as a time to reflect and explore. Godin would call it “leaning into the dip” and using it to figure out what they want the rest of their life to look like.
With a potential post-career runway of 25-40 years, getting stuck in the dip is a great waste and a loss to our society.
It’s called “strategic quitting” – quitting the comfortable, dangerous “dip” with an eye toward a legacy, or leaving a footprint, and not joining the masses who are “living too short and dying too long” with no sense of purpose and limited meaning in their lives.
I’ll wrap by borrowing the words of Monsignor Charles Fahey, Founding Director of Fordham’s Third Age Center:
Thanks for hanging in to the end. Please leave a comment – your insights are very valuable. Also, if you haven’t joined our email list to receive this weekly diatribe, trip on over to www.makeagingwork.com and join us – and tell your friends.
Have a safe and happy holiday!!
Escaping Your Cultural Captors – Your Portal May Be Pooping On Your Potential!
Have you ever thought of yourself as being in a “cultural fishbowl?”
News alert! You’re in one!
If you’re 16, you are in a cultural fishbowl with the world watching to see how well you manage your rebelliousness and bone-headedness.
If you are 60, your cultural fishbowl is being watched by a crowd with a bias that favors the young and cloaks you in all sorts of portal-based expectations.
You know the type of expectations I mean. They’ve been pounded into you by the powerful “P’s” in your life: parents, peers, professors, physicians, politicians, pundits.
Expectations like:
Portal? What’s a portal?
I first wrote about cultural portals a couple of years ago (go here) referencing the work that neuropsychologist Dr. Mario Martinez has done on the power of cultural beliefs in his two excellent books “The Mindbody Self: How Longevity is Culturally Learned and the Causes of Health Are Inherited” and “The Mindbody Code: How to Change the Beliefs that Limit Your Health, Longevity, and Success.” (pd links).
According to Dr. Martinez, a cultural portal is a “– culturally defined segment of expected beliefs and conduct.” He offers up a list of cultural portal with the following categories: newborn, infancy, childhood, adolescence, young adult, middle age, and old age. With the help of social scientists and clever, exploitation-minded marketers, we’ve moved to seven from the two (child-adult) we had 120 years ago.
Every portal has it’s own degree of acceptance and it’s own set of constraining rules. In the middle-age and old-age portal, the acceptance and the rules can take on a nefarious tone, especially when it comes to self-acceptance.
In Dr. Martinez’s words, the old age portal “— defines what you can longer do in the present and future that was allowed in the past portals. For example, strenuous physical activity, falling in love again, good health, physical strength, good memory, and expectations for a bright future are redefined based on the premise that aging is a process of diminishing returns.”
Dr. Martinez makes the point that we can step out of a portal but first have to recognize that there is life beyond the cultural fishbowl. He evens suggests that a touch of rebellion needs to be applied to overcome what we are expected to do.
Alas, in the sixth and seventh portals, we are not so much into being rebels, more into acceptance and have, perhaps, used up our ready reserve of rebellion.
And that’s where we may just poop on our potential.
We ain’t done yet!!
Here’s a 10-point plan for exiting your “old-age” cultural fishbowl – and continuing to realize your potential.
With loads of help from Dr. Martinez – – – – –
1. Be an outlier and defy cultural restraints and move on to self-discovery. Get serious about letting your true self out.
2. Be patient and don’t give in to the admonitions from family and friends that say “it’s for your own good” or “relax and enjoy your retirement” or “you’re not as young as you think.” Remember, they are co-authors of the cultural belief and are, Dr. Martinez reminds us, “responding from their own fishbowl and are unable to see beyond their culturally imposed limitations.”
3. Find co-authors and other rebels or outliers your age and watch how they thrive outside their fishbowl.
4. Refuse senior discounts and other entitlements for being “old.”
5. Bypass family illnesses and don’t let family talk you into believing they are inevitable. After age 65, genetics plays virtually no role in what may afflict us.
6. Move from entitlement consciousness to resource consciousness. Be a font of wisdom and share it with others.
7. Maintain a sense of humor. Don’t take yourself or life too seriously – you’re not getting out alive. Laugh along the way. Make what you have left a game.
8. Look surprisingly younger. It starts with attitude and how we carry ourselves and convey energy. And a consistent dose of aerobic and strength-training exercise coupled with current dress won’t hurt either.
9.Rethink your retirement. Entering the culturally defined retirement portal means embracing the limitations therein i.e. the retirement consciousness, the trap that says not to plan beyond the actuarial tables. We can turn this portal into a purpose-driven, meaningful time that leverages dreams, talents, skills, and experiences into something that impacts the world around us.
10. Explore going beyond the pale. We can seek paths that can lead to our individuation.
Dr. Martinez wisely reminds us:
“Since our biology is influenced by our cultural beliefs, our mindbody conforms to what we are expected to be in each portal” and that “- we need to be mindful that cultural portals influence our identity and we unwittingly co-author the process.”
Our cultures mold helplessness or empowerment.
Which fishbowl do you want to be in?
Leave a comment below and tells us how you’ve avoided the cultural portal trap. Thanks for being part of the growing “tribe”. Tell your friends about these free weekly articles and refer them over to www.makeagingwork.com where they can receive a free 25-page ebook entitled “Achieve Your Full Life Potential” for signing up.
Your Attitude Is the Difference Maker.
Coincidence?
IF . . .
A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
EQUALS . . .
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-21-22-23-24-25-26
THEN . . .
K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
BUT . . .
A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
Raise your hand if you’ve seen this clever formula 700 times?
I thought about it today as I watched the views on one of my six-month-old Quora answers suddenly shoot up – from zero views when I wrote it in June to nearly 5,000 views over the last two weeks.
The question I answered was:
“I’m 57, have no savings, and am unemployed. Is it too late to turn my life around?”
It apparently got shared into a group that relates to the nature of the question. And, I suspect, that COVID has boosted the interest in the topic considerably.
Here’s my answer to the question:
COVID + POLITICIANS . . .
3+15+22+9+4+16+15+12+9+20+9+1+14+19 = 168% = off-the-charts funk!
No question, it’s tough to stay positive. I don’t know about you, but the walls are starting to come in.
I gassed up my car this week for the first time in 11 weeks. Who could have imagined a “quarterly visit to the gas station?”
Or a Thanksgiving on the back deck with space heaters? Cold mashed potatoes are OK, but only with family.
An illusion of leadership
It really does come down to attitude, doesn’t it? Something over which we have near-total control.
I suggest we pay attention to another time-worn adage:
“We can’t control our circumstances. We can only control how we respond to those circumstances.”
I ran across another quote that seems appropriate for the times we are in. It’s by the late Henri Nouwen, Dutch Catholic priest, professor, writer, and theologian. He said:
As we wrap up four years of illusory leadership and head into another four with the scant chance for improvement, it comes down to generating our own leadership. Our leaders are lost, confused, hedonistic, greedy, and – – – don’t get me started!
We are being tested, and we are leaderless. Something greater than the circus on the Potomac is in charge and that’s what we need to tap into. And it starts between our temples – with our attitude.
The maturity, wisdom, grit, integrity, and attitudes we “modern elders” possess can face this crisis down and help us come out the other side new, different –
– and better.
Hope you are safe during this madness. Let’s make the most of what will be the weirdest holiday season ever. Turn each day into its own miracle. And know that this desert will be traversed. Join our tribe if you haven’t already at www.makeagingwork.com and receive a free e-book “Achieving Your Full-life Potential.” And leave us your thoughts below.
Whew! Good News About Being 60!
My mom didn’t make it to 60. She gave it up to lymphoma at age 57. Dad had a heart attack two years later at 59 and made it to 80, enduring 21 years of extended chronic illness. My grandparents all checked out in their 60s and 70s.
I remember a Parade magazine article a couple of decades ago that claimed that averaging the ages of my parents and grandparents at their deaths would be a good predictor of my longevity. Seemed reasonable at the time.
Based on Parade’s highly scientific naivete, I’ve been dead for about 9 years.
Yeah, times have changed a bit.
But, to think that 60 could be something like a “launching pad” or a “new beginning” is still a stretch for many. As a populous, I sense we’re still encumbered with a 20th-century mindset that says 60 is a time to be thinking “landing” not “take-off” – or “off-ramp” not “on-ramp.”
I’m anything but prescient, or highly imaginative (I’m working on it!!). But at 60, I made the totally illogical decision to leave corporate cubicle nation and start over. Sort of a dimly lit off-ramp to “Oh, s***, what have I done?”
Would I do it again? Yeah!
Would I do it differently?
DoubleTriple yeah!I’d do it with better preparation and a clearer definition of what I REALLY wanted to do as opposed to just getting the hell out of the confines and control of corporate life which was never right for me although I succumbed to 30+ years of it because it was what we were taught we should do. Plus I married a woman and had kids that liked to sleep inside and eat warm food!
Well, that pivot-at-60 turned out pretty good, although it has been an 18-year slog. I stumbled, bumbled, and toe-stubbed my way to discovering, in my 70s, what I should have been doing decades ago. I’m now excited to get up every morning and continue stumbling, bumbling, and toe-stubbing but with a purpose and occasional positive impact.
Science says I’m a bit slow.
Turns out that my purpose discovery in my mid-70s says I was a bit slow at the switch. Scientists at U. of California, San Diego interviewed 1,042 people age 21 to 100 to determine the age at which purpose and meaning peak for we sapiens, on average.
Turns out (drum roll) – it’s age 60!
According to the study, published in Clinical Psychiatry and viewable at this link, “people tend to feel like their lives have meaning at around age 60.”
The study’s first author, Awais Aftab, a fellow at UC, San Diego states this about the study:
There you have it – a scientifically confirmed formula for meaning.
But – there’s always a but—
It appears that we crescendo through our 40s and 50s into this feeling of purpose and meaning, hit a peak, and then the pursuit decreases for a while. After 60, people begin to search for meaning in life all over again.
That’s when retirement, bereavement, and health issues appear, the meaning at 60 may fade and a new search for a different type of meaning may start for some, hinting that the search for meaning in life changes along with you.
Three things, however, remain constant for staying physically and mentally fit through the lifespan: cultural engagement, hobbies, and exercise.
The study is a good reminder that “finding meaning in life has high payoff for physical and mental health.”
Sounds a bit like the drumbeat from this drummer for the last three years.
No, 60 is not the new 40. It’s the new 60. With the prospect of 30-40 years of runway left, hitting 60 isn’t a good time to be thinking landing.
Time for a new takeoff.
Happy Thanksgiving – I guess?
Well, COVID, the Feds, and our Governor say no to a conventional Thanksgiving this year. Then the weather says we can’t even do it on the back deck with space heaters. So, it’s each family component on their own.
Hmmm – a 14-pound turkey for two?
It is what it is.
Our family’s best to you for your Thanksgiving, whatever form it may take. Thanks for being a reader and for all your feedback.
P.S. This will end!
What Type of Retiree Are You – or Do You Want to Be?
A few months ago, as a favor for a friend, I did a webinar entitled “What’s Next? Redefining Retirement and Creating Power and Purpose in Your Post-career Life” for one of the local Christian Living Communities’ senior-living facilities.
Not exactly my “target market” since my focus is more on folks who are approaching, or are early into, their retirement years.
Let’s just say that, although well-attended, the post-webinar response was thin, at best. I wasn’t surprised – or disappointed. I knew going in that “What’s Next” for most of these community residents had been locked down some time ago and their interest in the “new retirementality” and the changing views on retirement would be less than overwhelming.
However, my research for the project came up with some rather cool insights into the evolving retirement landscape. I decided to share some of the fruits of the research.
So, in keeping with my bent toward abject plagiarism (properly attributed) and lack of originality, I share two insights. One from a financial planning firm, Advanced Capital Management (ACM), and another extracted from Ken Dychtwalds book that I introduced last week: “What Retirees Want: A Holistic View of Life’s Third Age.”
ACM produced this clever graphic for one of their blogs. You can see the full blog here. I’m just doing cliff notes below.
Source: Advanced Capital Management, Financial Living Blog
Retired? Which one (or more) describes you?
Considering retirement? Which one (or more) do you want to be?
This may help you decide – or at least plan better.
A Healthy Perspective
Ken Dychtwald’s research for the aforementioned book looked at Boomer’s perspective on health, revealing that some Boomers are health conscious but many are not.
His surveys found “-four basic health styles among Boomers, based on their condition and approaches to health itself, getting health care, and preparing for health expenses in healthcare.”
Here are more cliff notes:
Dychtwald says that roughly 30% fall into each of the first three categories and 10% in the Lax but Lucky.
Nice work, guys (NOT!)
No surprise here (albeit disappointing): women are in the majority in the first three categories and men in the majority of the Lax but Lucky.
Can you spell “EGO”! “MACHO”!
Scoreboard:
‘nough said. We’ve all got work to do. At the risk of being abrasively repetitive, I’m compelled to remind those who will bother that we, on average, only achieve about 66% of our biological potential. We know that the body will last 122 years and 164 days because Jeanne Calment of Arles, France set that benchmark for us when she checked out in 1997.
I think it’s worth mentioning that rather than filling that 42-year gap, we are currently opening it, with our average lifespan receding.
It’s no longer fate or genes. It’s now about choice.
It’s about “Healthy on Purpose.” And planning ahead to avoid #2 and #4 in the retiree type graphic.
As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome and helpful. Scroll down and leave a comment or email your thoughts to gary@makeagingwork.com
Over 60 and “Acting Your Age?” STOP IT!!
“Too many people believe that at age 64 you are a productive, contributing member of society. And then, at 65, you’re supposed to retire, go on Social Security and Medicare, and overnight you become irrelevant and become dependent. What we really need to say is that at 65 keep it moving. I like to say it’s not aging in place. It’s thriving in motion.”
That’s a quote from Dr. Charlotte Yeh, Chief Medical Officer of AARP Services, Inc. extracted from Dr. Ken Dychtwald’s new book “What Retirees Want: A Holistic View of Life’s Third Age.” Dr. Yeh is making an appeal for us to “reframe aging, in both our language and our imagery.”
“Thriving in motion” has a nice ring to it, don’t ya think? But it doesn’t fit the ageist stereotype that our culture continues to harbor – inactive, cranky, frail, frumpy, childish, helpless, senile, over-the-hill.
As I’ve written about before, ageism is the last “ism” that hasn’t gotten significant attention. Research suggests that it is more prevalent than sexism and racism, although you won’t get far with that argument in our current culture.
Maybe we won’t make the progress we need against ageism unless we reframe aging. Dychtwald and his co-author and fellow researcher, Robert Morrison think so and devote an entire chapter in this outstanding book to that idea.
I’m taking it personally.
You can call me Gary, you can call me Papa or Grandpa, you can even call me “an ancient insufferable p****k” (which a few folks have), or even “older adult.” But DON’T CALL ME A SENIOR OR ELDERLY.
However, you CAN call me an elder. Or, better yet, a “modern elder”, the new term coined by author/entrepreneur Chip Conley which, IMHO, is the best reframing term going. In his best-selling book “Wisdom at Work: The Making of a Modern Elder,” Conley describes a modern elder as “someone who marries wisdom and experience with curiosity, a beginner’s mind, and a willingness to learn from those younger.”
I’ve written more about Conley’s modern elder concept at these links:
Don’t Let Yourself Become a Senior Citizen. There’s a Better Alternative.
Be Part of the “Modern Elder” Movement
Kinda sounds like you don’t dare “act your age” if you intend to be a “modern elder.” That would be a good thing because it’s no longer about a number. We should have legislated the number 65 out of existence long ago for all the counterproductive decisions it’s spawned.
Most retirees today don’t want to be characterized by their age, certainly not by a number.
Karyne Jones, CEO of the National Caucus and Center on Black Aging, says: “I own my age. I have never gone for this ’70 is the new ’50 stuff because it says that you shouldn’t be proud of where you are in your lifespan.”
I’m 78 and don’t want to be the new 58. I wanna be the new 78.
Did you know –
-that the experience of “fun” dips in mid-life and then rises to a peak in the retirement years? Share that with the next irreverent, arrogant, whipper-snapper millennial that dishonors your modern elder status.
Here’s what “fun” looks like at various life stages, according to an AgeWave/Merrill Lynch study entitled “Leisure in Retirement: Beyond the Bucket List”
Age Happiness/Fun Level (on 1-10 scale)
25 6.4
35 6.0
45 6.0
55 6.4
65 7.3
75 7.1
That same study revealed that most retirees are turning out to be living their best years with contentment and relaxation both in the 70+ percentile and anxiety in the under-20 percentile while 25-35-year-olds are in the 30-50 percentile in all three categories.
And all along you were thinking “getting old is a bitch” or “aging isn’t for sissies.”
Wrong self-talk! Ageist language!
So, there you have it. We “modern elders” are having more fun despite the fact that we face discrimination, derision, disrespect, and disparagement.
BUT – –
-maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to point fingers.
Are we acting our age and inviting this invective by:
There are many ways we bring ageism to ourselves.
We’ve all got some work to do.
Chip Conley learned that. Despite his reputation and phenomenal entrepreneurial success, when he accepted a position at Airbnb to counsel CEO Brian Chesky and to be a mentor to Airbnb top performers, he found himself humbled as he engaged with people half his age and with twice his digital smarts. He learned that he needed to become an intern before he could mentor. From that experience, he coined the term “mentern.”
How about if we crawl out of our ideological, theological, age-stamped bubbles, stop listening to our own echoes and try a beginner’s mind, get curious, and go learn something from junior?
Maybe be a mentern. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
I’m Starting a “50 to 100” Club – Wanna Join?
Ten or so years ago when I started publicly declaring that I intended to live to 100, invitations to dinner parties – or any social event, for that matter – experienced a noticeable drop.
That’s not really painful for me because, as an introvert, I’m not empowered by large gatherings and am a boor at dinner parties anyway. But it’s really unfair to my bride of 49 3/4 years who can, and does, enliven any get-together with her enthusiasm for banter and selfless interest in other people’s stories.
I’m not sure what it says about my personality to become rather immune to this sort of repulsion. Maybe it’s part of the reason I did OK in my sales career where rejection was a key component of the “game.”
Nonetheless, undaunted and displaying yet another layer of arrogance, three years ago – at age 75 – I decided to up the “ante” and declare my end goal to be 112 1/2. There was simple (delusional?) logic behind the decision: I wanted to have 1/3 of my life left to make up for things I hadn’t gotten done in the first 2/3. (Writer note: Don’t probe – they are painful items and never to be publicly revealed. The victim recipients know what they are).
The response to my announcement? Yawns, mostly.
Probably because the weirdness had already been established and tolerated. The eye-rolls were shorter or the conversations changed quicker.
Or maybe – just maybe – it was because there’s an increasing acceptance of the possibility of living healthfully to 100+ versus the prevailing mental picture of wheelchairs, walkers, nurses, needles, dementia, drool, and Depends that prevailed in earlier (albeit brief) conversations.
What if –
– there was a roadmap that increased the possibility of sneaking up on 100 with vitality, vim, and vigor?
– you fell short by a handful of years but beat the average (80) by a decade or more?
-you were able to not only put more years in your life but more life in your years?
-you could make your future, at 50+, bigger than your past?
-you could face a second-half/third age with enthusiasm rather than fear and trepidation?
Pipe dream? Maybe.
This is an idea that has been rattling in this aging noggin for a long-time. In fact, a few years ago I reserved the domain name 50to100club.com with a vision in my head of providing a resource for those interested in learning more about how the second half of life can be the most meaningful and productive period of their lifespan.
So, I guess I’m sort of testing the waters a bit here. Short of a formal survey, which may follow, I’m hoping to gauge reader interest in having access to a resource that collects and repurposes content from new science and trends on aging, health and wellness, second half careers/retirement and building and connecting a community with similar interests through articles, podcasts, forums, live conferences, webinars, and the like.
Maybe I’m misreading the interest and the need – but I don’t think so. A simple “yay or nay” by way of a comment below, or to my email at gary@makeagingwork.com, would be helpful, especially if your “yay” offered up a suggestion or two on what sort of content would be most helpful to you.
Thanks for your help!
Should Your Retirement Include Continuing to Work? Only If Health and Longevity Are Important.
Working during retirement. Hmm. Isn’t that an anachronism?
Retire, by definition, means to “retreat” or “seek a place of security and seclusion” or, as my Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it, “withdraw from use or service.”
Who wants to be useless?
Fewer and fewer are buying it.
It turns out working during retirement has been trending up steadily for some time.
Work and longevity appear to be intrinsically linked.
We are buried in research confirming that work is a vital component of healthy longevity – contrary to what the traditional leisure-based retirement model has sold us for decades.
Few centenarians didn’t work until they couldn’t.
For decades now, we’ve been drinking the financial services industry Koolaid that sold us the idea that we’ve earned the opportunity to finish out in rest and relaxation. But the lights have come on and exposed this vocation-to-vacation, labor-to-leisure plan as a bit of a Trojan horse that leads people into a lifestyle that is not conducive to living a full, meaningful, healthy life.
A 2017 Rand Corp study confirmed that “return to work” by retirees is a definite trend:
Chris Farrell, author and senior economics contributor for public radio, has been researching and writing about this topic for a few years. He authored a book entitled “Unretirement: How Baby Boomers Are Changing the Way We Think About Work, Community, and the Good Life” (paid link)
Farrell determined that what retirees miss most about their pre-retirement life is colleagues. In his book, he states:
This return-to-work is not always about needing the money, although it is a factor for many. The unfortunate reality is that most Americans are not financially prepared to enter a full-stop retirement and not generate some level of income. But even those who may not need the money find personal satisfaction in earning a paycheck doing something of value to others and society in general. And they appreciate the serendipity effect of knowing that continuing to earn an income stretches their retirement savings and reduces the stress of worrying about outliving their money.
I remain convinced that building work into one’s life plans for the “retirement years” is essential to living longer and healthier. Be it volunteer, for-pay, part-time, or full-time, work brings socialization, structure, meaning, purpose, a reason to get up in the morning.
And it obeys the basic rule of our biology – we either grow or we decay.
Work=useful=growth.
A full-stop, leisure-based retirement draws us away from those important life components.
Aware boomers, pre-boomers, and early GenXers are not excited about heading for the park bench or the lifestyle of retirees from previous generations.
Unretirement is here to stay and growing. As a career transition and retirement coach, I hear the stories of retirees who are unsettled and unhappy in their much-anticipated retired life. And I feel the angst of those approaching retirement age who express concerns about boredom, about leaving a legacy, about wanting to have meaning for the final chapters.
It’s a promising trend as we begin to realize that the talents, skills, and experiences of the 10,000 mid-lifers who are reaching 65 every day are terrible things to allow to go to waste pursuing a concept that has long outlived its usefulness.
What are your thoughts about “work in retirement.? We’d love to have your feedback. Drop down and leave a comment or email gary@makeagingwork.com. If you haven’t joined our reader list, visit www.makeagingwork.com, share your email address, and receive a new article every Monday. It’s all free, including the e-book we send when you join the list: “Achieve Your Full-life Potential: Five Easy Steps to Living Longer, Healthier, and With More Purpose.”